#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally

[6lytherinn]

a little fic based on this gift of sterek<3

The Hale house was tense. Even without the voices that were now raised, you could feel the thickness in the air.

It wasn't often that Stiles and Derek would fight. A mere argument here and there that usually involved snarky comments and rolled eyes, but nothing like this.

The event that was unfolding in the kitchen of the Hale house had been brewing for weeks now. It had begun as Stiles was trying to conversate with his fiancé over dinner about the idea of adoption.

It was no secret that Stiles Stilinski was ready to be a father. He and Derek had been together for 3 years now, and were planned to be married in less than 6 months.

Each time Stiles would bring up the topic, Derek would either get quiet or change the subject. The first few times this happened Stiles brushed it off, thinking maybe Derek had misheard him or not heard him at all. But after a while he seemed to understand what was happening. Derek was avoiding the conversation.

That's exactly what led them to tonight. The night was tense as soon as the couple had sat down to enjoy their takeout Derek had picked up on the way home. It was Stiles' favorite Indian food and despite being pleased to have it, he couldn't shake his grumpy mood.

He had spoken to his best friend, Scott earlier in the day about what was troubling him and Derek. Scott's advice was of course to be honest with Derek and ask him what the issue was.

‘Just ask, Stiles. C'mon this is Derek, you guys talk about everything together,’ was his advice. And he knew Scott was right. They were open books when it came to each other, and that's exactly why this was bothering Stiles so much.

“Why are you avoiding me everytime I bring up adoption?” Stiles decided to just go straight for the question. He was always blunt and right now he needed answers.

Derek closed his eyes and Stiles saw the man breathe in deeply.

“Can we please talk about this later? We're having dinner, Stiles.”

The younger man felt his blood rising, he refused to let Derek push him away again.

“No. I think we should talk about this right now, Derek.” He spoke as calm as he could but he knew Derek could sense his frustration. Even without his werewolf senses.

“Stiles, why do we need to do this right now? Can't we enjoy our dinner?” Derek refused to look up from his plate. Avoiding eye contact was a major tell that Derek was hiding something. Stiles felt tears pricking his eyes now. Why was his fiancé being so dismissive of something he felt so passionately about?

“Derek, be honest with me right now. What the hell are you trying to avoid? Fucking look at me, Derek.” Stiles was yelling by now, something he tried not to do.

Derek was angry as well. Stiles was so stubborn. He would never drop things when he set his mind to them and right now he wanted to discuss something Derek did not want to talk about. His nostrils flared as he finally looked up, both men were worked up now, the dinner in front of them completely forgotten.

“Because I don't want to fucking have kids, Stiles! You want to be a dad, I get it but I don't fucking want that. You never ask what I want, you just assume that having a family is something I want and it's not. I have you and that's enough, okay, I don't want to talk about adoption because I don't fucking want kids. God, you're so fucking stubborn it's driving me nuts.”

Derek regretted the words as soon as he spoke them, the shock and sadness that replaced the anger on Stiles face was immediate. He knew his words had hurt Stiles deeply and he didn't know what to say.

Stiles said nothing, his eyes shining with tears. He stood and without saying a word walked down the hallway and into their guest bedroom where he locked himself in and didn't come back out for the whole might.

—-

The next morning Derek awoke to his alarm. 6:30 AM, it was time for him to start the day and head to work. He hoped to find Stiles in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and boxers like he always did but Derek found the kitchen empty.

He didn't have but 30 minutes before he left for work, not having enough time to do anything but shower and grab a poptart from the pantry. He walked to the guest bedroom door and debated on whether he should try to talk to Stiles before work. He figured the conversation they needed to have would require more than 5 minutes so he decided to let the young man sleep as he headed out the door for work.

6 hours later Derek was stumbling through their front door, completely worn out from his day of work and ready to mend things with Stiles and tell him how sorry he was for exploding on him the night before.

Once again upon entering, Derek noticed how quiet it seemed in their home. He checked the kitchen, and then the bedroom. Both bathroom doors were ajar which meant Stiles was not in those rooms either.

Derek ran to the front door and onto their porch where he noticed for the first time Stiles' jeep wasn't there. He had been so lost in thought when arriving home that he hadn't noticed the jeep was missing. He went back to the bedroom and noticed a few of Stiles' things were also gone, including his overnight bags he had used at the beginning of their relationship when he would stay over, before Derek had asked Stiles to move in with him.

Grabbing his phone he clicked Stiles' contact and felt his heart drop as it went straight to voicemail.

“Hey, you've reached Stiles. Leave a message and maybe I'll get back to you.” Came the voice of his fiancé.

The older man rubbed his face as he thought of what to do next. Stiles has left and it was all his fault. He went too far and now Stiles was done. He would never see the boy again. Never hug him or kiss him, or tell him how much he loved him.

He quickly dialed the sheriff's number hoping that Stiles went back to his childhood home. However he was no closer to finding him after his short, and now hostile conversation with said boy's dad. Neither Scott, Lydia or even Liam had seen the man and Derek was beginning to worry even more.

He decided he'd just go drive around and look for him.

—-

After about 30 minutes of driving around aimlessly, Derek finally picked up on what he had been looking for. The sweet minty smell that belonged to none other than Stiles Stilinski himself.

He was at a coffee shop, one that he and Stiles had attended many times in their relationship. They had spent many hours here just sipping coffee and enjoying each other's company. The memories made Derek smile for a split second before he remembered why he was there in the first place.

He quickly exited his car and walked inside, he smelled the familiar scent even stronger now and it made his inner wolf relax.

Stiles smelt like home. He smelt like peace and family and happiness. He looked around the cafe and his eyes settled on the beautiful boy he called his lover. It was as if Stiles felt his eyes reach him because at the same moment he looked to his left and made eye contact.

Stiles looked miserable. His face looked as if he had been crying for hours, his complexion paler than usual. He held no traces of a smile, instead he seemed as if he had all happiness drained from him.

He looked heartbroken.

Derek held eye contact as he walked forward and settled across the table from Stiles who now refused to look at him.

“How'd you find me here?” He asked, still staring down.

“I didn't. I was driving around just looking for you, and then I smelled you.”

Stiles laughed dryly. “Of course you did. Can't get away from a werewolf, can you?”

Derek frowned slightly. Stiles was still mad.

“Stiles-” He was interrupted immediately as Stiles looked up. His eyes were red.

“Don't, Derek. I got the point last night and I'd rather not hear it again. I didn't know you felt that way and maybe it's best we leave each other alone for a bit. I wouldn't want to push you into doing things you don't want to do.” His voice was full of disappointment. Stiles began to rise from his chair and Derek grabbed his hand and tugged him back down softly.

“I do want kids with you, Stiles. I'm just scared.” He admitted.

This caught Stiles attention. His face softened and he sat down slowly.

“What are you scared of?” He whispered. “What if I can't be a good father?” It was time to confess his worries now. No reason to hold them back.

“Of course I want a family with you. That's all I want if I'm being honest. But what if I can't keep you both safe? Bad things seem to follow me Stiles, you know they do. I worry all the fucking time about keeping you safe, and the thought of failing you is hard enough. I can't imagine if I failed you and our children. I'm just so scared.” Stiles felt his heart sink as he listened to Derek’s confession. So this is what all of this avoidance had been about. He was scared.

“Derek, you are the strongest, bravest man I know. You would do anything to keep your family safe and that's how I know you will be a wonderful father. You would be such an amazing dad. Nothing would happen to me or to our family. I am here to stay forever, Derek. You will never lose me.” These words seem to break through the wall Derek had subconsciously begun to build up surrounding the topic of starting a family.

He was still terrified, but he would rather spend his life protecting Stiles and their future family than to live easily without them. He reached across the table and grabbed the others hands in his. He gave a loving smile as he spoke.

“I think I'm ready to talk about it now.” He squeezed his hand as he spoke. “What do we need to do to start the process?”

You guys these manips are getting too good . .

[apathyfairy]

.

[justporo]

A Night of Song and Laughter (Part 6)

In which Astarion basically says "Murder is okay, but it's not okay to disrespect my wife". A lot of swearing in this one, be warned - also Astarion's bares his claws.

So - ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER ONE?? I'm honestly so tired, at the moment, it's doing my job at day, being a fanfic writer and servant to the fandom at night. Which results in poor sleep schedule and eating habits. Didn't even get to keep playing for a few days. But I love all the things happening, all the content people create and people liking my content as well - after all I am just as prone to flattery as Astarion is.

Also I should make a post where I will link all chapters - I will do that probably tonight or tomorrow - depending on how quick writing the next part will be.

You know the drill by now, you can already continue reading on AO3!

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

(Gif from here!)

Astarion quickly made to take everyone’s drink orders. When Daegin opted to get off his stool and get himself another beer and almost fell off it, Eodin just about caught him and convinced him to take a round of water. So the dwarf complained and made to rest his head on the table.

Before Astarion left for the bar he threw a quick questioning glance at you, with it asking if it would be okay to leave you for a few moments. You nodded slightly and smiled reassuringly at him but in fact you were dreading to be alone with these people even though they were your friends.

When Lira offered to go with him to help carry everything your heart sank even deeper. Closing your eyes for a short moment, you steeled yourself for the words that would definitely be had once Astarion and Lira would be out of earshot. At least they would think that, when you were pretty sure Astarion would use every one of his heightened vampiric and elven senses to not miss a single word.

When you opened your eyes again you saw how Lira practically beamed at Astarion who was much taller than her. She didn’t even reach his shoulders. Lira had always been your closest friend in the group, she was truly a sweetheart – you had wondered how she did make such a formidable thief though since she seemed so honest and soft. You were more than sure Astarion already had a place in her heart, and she would use the moments she had to completely obliterate the vampire with many more questions about him and your relationship. The thought made you smile.

Astarion swiftly and elegantly managed to navigate through the now much bigger crowd to the bar while making sure the much smaller half-elf wasn’t pushed over by anyone in the pretty drunk crowd. You could barely make a step without bumping into people, so he softly touched her shoulder, kept his hand there lightly and motioned her to walk in front of him, so she wouldn’t be elbowed in the face by accident. She was completely oblivious to his show of polite chivalry since she had started bombarding him with questions about himself and Tav.

“Have you been together long? Did you save her like a hero on a white horse and she inevitably fell for you? Wait, you said, she saved you, what happened? Are you staying in Baldur’s Gate? We have to meet again some time, I need to know absolutely everything. You two are such a beautiful couple, Gods, you would have gorgeous babies! Does she make you happy? She seems so happy, I’ve never seen her this happy, you have to take good care of her for me, promise?” Astarion kept softly nudging her to get her to move to the bar while she basically kept walking backwards and blabbering. Since he was also trying to focus on the conversation that no doubt was going on at the table he had just left, he only gave pretty short answers to Lira: “A few months now. Once or twice, no horse needed though, they bite too much for my liking. Much longer story. We are. I’m sure we can. Uhm, thank you.” But the last few things Lira had said and asked made Astarion focus entirely on her. He looked at her expecting face and replied: “She makes me very happy and in a way, I didn’t think I could ever feel. And if I truly make her only a fraction as happy as she’s made me, I can be considered the luckiest man in all of Baldur’s Gate, nay, Faerun. And I’ll promise you I will do anything I can to keep her happy and safe as long as she’ll want me by her side.” The sudden change in tone and sincerity in his words stopped Lira in her rambling. “Wow”, she simply whispered silently and looked at Astarion. Then she suddenly jumped to give him a quick hug. Astarion almost made to step out of reach before her arms went around his waist, but he let it happen. The concept of hugging was still pretty new to him, except with you of course. And since he didn’t quite know how to react correctly in such a situation, he just kind of went to awkwardly pat the adorable half-elf on the back. This was still new, but he was pretty sure that it was nice and warmth filled his chest.

Lira let go off him, seemingly also surprised by her sudden outburst: “Sorry… I’m just so happy for her… and for you too!” She smiled warmly then turned around, since they were finally at the bar. “Soooo – I am certainly invited to the wedding, am I not? Can I be Tav’s Maid of Honor?” Astarion would have probably blushed would that have been possible for him. Did anyone ever make him this flustered in a matter of hours since meeting? Well, you probably, but other than that? He was released from questioning though when the barmaid came over and took their order. As they waited, Astarion decided he definitely liked this one of your friends and decided to be his best polite and interested self and asked Lira to tell him about herself.

You watched the two of them wander off into the crowd. Then you remembered the two rather grim faces in front of you and the one, that was already much too drunk to actually really notice anything.

Eodin had crossed the arms over his chest again, dropping the façade completely: “You have some nerve, Tav.” His tone was bitter. You see Miyena’s lip slightly curve into a smirk. “You disappear for months, leave us with a load of jobs, we can’t finish because we need your goddamn elven ass, since you are the best with sleight of hand and all. Which made us not only miss out on said jobs but also caused us to lose most of our clients, because now we seem to be the most unreliable band of thieves this city has ever seen! And then you reappear with this fucking elven twink and basically let him take you right on the fucking table like a slut!”, Eodin’s voice rises more and more during his rant while Miyena’s malicious smirk grows bigger. At least you can tell who it was who spewed so much venom into his ear. Daegin didn’t seem to react even though Eodin was practically shouting, in fact, you could hear some soft snoring.

You are completely dumbstruck. Had you expected a verbal ass-whooping? Absolutely! Had you expected this? Absolutely not! The feelings of guilt you had for abandoning your friends albeit there hadn’t been anything you could’ve done about this vanished in an instant. His words were pure venom and you could feel rage slowly rear inside you. Being angry about all of this was the one thing but it was the way he said it, especially with the intonation of your and Astarion’s elven heritage and calling you a slut? You were done with the niceties and you started to feel murderous.

You sucked on your teeth and mimicked Eodin’s aggressive stance, looked him straight in the eyes and asked: “Mind telling me, what exactly changed in the past months I wasn’t here? I get being angry and wanting an explanation. What I don’t get is you insulting me and Astarion – who you’ve never met before today, might I add – making a scene here in front of everyone and especially, what specifically makes this about me being an elf?” You saw how Miyena side-eyed him and raised an expectant eyebrow. “And you certainly didn’t think of me as slut, when I jerked you off and you were too drunk to get it up properly! You disgust me!” He winced at the mention of this particularly embarrassing night you had shared, which incidentally had been the last. You were disgusted by the memory. Bile was raising in your throat, making you gag – why did you ever think this guy deserved you at all?

“Well, I thought you weren’t like them – all fleeting attention, mysteries, riddles. I thought I knew you, Tav, I thought you were my friend… and I even thought you were more for some time. I thought you were one of us, so sweet and nice… So… indeed, Tav, what has changed?” You couldn’t believe your ears. Never had your elven heritage made any difference at all, especially since you’d grown up on the city streets and hadn’t had the comfort of a sheltered childhood far off in the woods in some elven enclave. His words hurt. You might’ve never seen him in the way he once wanted you, but he had been a close friend, an understanding friend. This angry and obviously jealous side was not only new but disgusting to you. Your eyes wandered over to Miyena who was still smirking. “Well, for starters”, you said “thinking really ever wasn’t your strong suit. You should leave that to the others. Ah, but seems you already handed that duty over to Miyena here.” You turned to the tiefling and threw her a death glare: “Don’t think I don’t see how you’ve been smirking and side-eyeing Eodin the whole time, you bitch. You always wanted everything for yourself. Go ahead, you can have him, his limp-dick and all loot and coin you get from your jobs, I don’t care.” The tiefling woman looked ready to throw daggers at you. Eodin opened his mouth, now having at least the decency to look the slightest bit guilty, but you lifted your hand before he could speak and continued: “If all it takes for you to turn against me and discriminate me is being away for a few months, then consider everything – our work friendship, our work arrangement – separated. You were always very impressionable, but never would I have thought you were so easy to turn into a hot toxic pile of garbage. Go right on with Miyena, but be careful, she was already eyeing Astarion, because she always wants what others have.” And with that you ended your spiteful little speech.

The man and the tiefling looked at each other for a second, then continued to stare angrily at you. A year back, you ‘d never would have called them out on their bullshit, you had indeed changed. Back then you would have eaten up the shame and would have given in to your strong people-pleasing tendency. But you were done taking the world’s and everyone’s shit and be thankful for mere scraps they threw you, you deserved better than this – something your vampiric soulmate had taught you. “Now, you can fuck off or you can stay and be nice for the night because I don’t want to spoil the evening for Lira and Daegin”, you added when neither of them said anything.

This suddenly seemed to get Miyena and Eodin out of their stupor. Miyena simply hissed at you, when Eodin spat: “Why don’t you fuck off, you and that arrogant elven prick. Who is he really anyway, did you sell yourself off to him as a plaything or mistress or something? You don’t belong…”

A glint of silver and there was a blade at each Miyena’s and Eodin’s throat. Astarion was standing impossibly close behind them both, his arms around each of their shoulders. He’d masterfully had sneaked up behind them. To others, it would have looked simply like a drunken hug from afar – only the two daggers pressing against their necks were distracting from that. “I’d advise you to hold very still or you’ll find out exactly how prickly I can be”, Astarion whispered to them in a voice that was actually rather made for candle light and dark bedrooms, his red eyes were glinting with fury. The tiefling slightly hissed at him but tensed, Eodin just whimpered.

“Now, I really did not appreciate your tone and how you spoke to my partner. But seeing as I was enjoying myself so much tonight, I’m giving you one more chance. You can be nice little puppies now and be polite and graceful for the rest of the evening. And after tonight I never want to see a shred of you again”, he whispered to them hoarsely, his mouth wandering from Eodin’s ear to Miyena’s and back again. The daggers pressed slightly harder against their throats now.

“Or”, Astarion drawled and smiled wickedly “you can fuck off right now, just as my lovely lady here proposed. Choose as you wish but behave or I will splatter you all over the walls.” You swallowed hard, did he have to be this threatening and with that tone in his voice. In a very twisted way, you enjoyed what was happening way too much. Gods, you loved when Astarion became all protective. And something wild and dark in you enjoyed his threatening, predatory demeanor. The softest gasp left your mouth and you squeezed your thighs together – hard. This was not the time to get aroused. Astarion heard though and his eyebrow shot up, his eyes flicking to yours for a split second and his signature smirk found its way back on his lips.

“What will it be now?”, he then whispered to his two captives again “I wouldn’t want to end the night in bloodshed – well, maybe a little.” He grinned baring his fangs and licked over his lips slowly. Eodin turned completely pale and Miyena’s eyes widened.

“Go… let us go”, the man whispered and started to struggle against Astarion’s hold while trying to not get knicked by the knife at his throat.

“Then have it your way”, Astarion sneered and in one swift movement withdrew his daggers, turned them around and pushed them off into the crowd - hard. They stumbled away, bumping into the people around them but quickly made their way away from you.

Astarion rolled his shoulders and sighed dramatically, then looked at you grinning: “Ah, darling, so good to be alone with you again, don’t you think?” His eyes wandered down your body and he licked his lips again. “Nothing like a little drama and knife play to spice up the night, am I right?” His red eyes turned even darker with an impossible hunger shining in them. You gulped, Daegin snored.

[cryoniide]

could you do a house x male reader where reader is also struggling through a drug addiction to the point they overdose, and house wonders why they arent responding gets mad at them but then finds out reader is in the hospital due to the OD? angsty comfort? sorry im struggling at the moment and this sounds nice, i understand if its a bit too serious to write about tho

of course i can, i tried my best sorry if it isn’t exactly what you want, i can redo it if needed ^^

i’m here now

gregory house x male reader

it was monday, a universal day that was hated by everyone. why? no one really knows. but, today was a very bad day for y/n l/n. he was an employee at princeton-plainsboro teaching hospital. he was under the finest doctor there, dr. gregory house. now, no one knew why the boy wanted to work with the drug addicted sadist. no one but him. his reasoning? because him and dr. house have one thing in common. drug addiction.

for y/n, it started when he was in high school. he had a shitty childhood which continued into his teen years. only when he found drugs had he found peace. but, as the years progressed, so did his addiction. it’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t even remember a time he was sober, besides the weeks leading up to his every-6-month checkups, which were the closest thing to hell on earth.

but, why was it a shitty day for y/n? well, he had given the wrong diagnosis, and got called an idiot for almost killing a patient. he missed breakfast. got his lunch stolen by his boss. but, the worst thing of all was that there was a new patient. someone from his past. someone he never, ever, wanted to see again. his mother. when he saw her, he turned around.

‘fuck this shit.’

after that, no one saw him the whole day. it was only a few hours after y/n left when house started to get angry.

“how dare that brat leave right after we get assigned a case!” he complained to wilson, who rolled his eyes in response, “have you tried, i dont know, asking him?” wilson replied, not bothering to look up from the folder in his hand.

the whole day, house toyed with the patient to release his frustrations. to be homest, he was starting to get less angry and more worried. he made an excuse saying that y/n is the sharpest one on the team and that the rest of them can’t function without him. when, in reality, house was the one that couldn’t function. wilson was the only one who knew why house was actually worried. why? well, the two sort of have a..romantic relationship.

he tried reaching him. call after call after call, but it all went straight to voicemail. after treating the patient, house found out it was y/n’s mom. he was about to go to his lovers home, when he got a page.

‘room 202, now.’

it was from lisa. he rushed down to the room, seeing the unconscious body of his lover. he rushed to his side grabbing y/n’s hand and looking up at the cuddy. “he overdosed…on oxycodone.”

‘fuck.’ house thought.

how could he had let this slip past him? how could he have not noticed that you were suffering all this time? he wanted to beat himself up over this, but he knew you wouldn’t want that. so he waited, sitting in the chair and watching your vitals all night. he didn’t want to risk losing someone so close to him. not again.

you woke up the next day, your head pounding and your feelings all over the place. you were glad to be alive but, god you wish you weren’t. “y/n?” you turned to the voice, seeing greg sitting next to you. he looked miserable, the bags under his eyes darker than they were before. “are you okay? why didn’t you tell me?” you didn’t say anything. to be honest, you wish you could’ve told him. that you were suffering. that you wanted help. needed help. but, it wasn’t easy to admit you were an addict.

“i know it’s hard, but please, talk to me.” you looked in his eyes. he was worried. genuinely worried. right there, tears escaped your eyes, streaming down your face. he got up, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. “it’s okay, y/n. i’m here, now. you’re safe, i promise.”

a/n; I HOPE THIS IS OKAY. i tried my best. again, loveeee writing angst, decided to throw in a sad lil backstory hope you dont mind and i hope you enjoyed. on a serious note, if any of you are struggling with addiction, please don’t be afraid to talk to someone and get help, even if its with a friend at first. i have a family member who’s an alcoholic, and i know it isnt the same as drugs but it hurts me to see that person going down this path. i worry that one day they aren’t gonna be here anymore and i really dont want that to be soon. so please, talk to someone, anyone, and don’t be afraid to ask for help <33 you are loved and cared for i promise

[bi-lavelent]

Brie Larson x fem-reader part 1

warning: contains mentions to sex and mentions of mental health. Contains mentions to murder and killing. Contains mentions to pedophillia.

Brie will not be in the chapter it is just the start. I hope you enjoy

Chapter 1 Childhood Trauma

"Mothers, everyone has one, Every girl needs them, Every man wants them, Every baby cries for them, Every human praises them." - Y/N Y/L/N

My life starts simple; While At Least I thought. You see the story I was told growing up was. My gorgeous, beautiful, Intelligent Mom met  my Handsome, Funny Dad and fell in love. They got married and then they  had me. It was the Exact American Dream, It wasn’t Gatsby and Daisy. My Dad and I were best friends. They Made me realize who I would want to marry. We were always going to be that perfect little family. Although that’s where the happiness ends. The rest isn’t  good, though how much stuff do you think can happen in 9 months? less than a year you're probably thinking not that much. Well trust me a lot can happen, my mom did everything a person could do to ruin my life before it even started. But for you to be able to know that part of the story you will need to wait till I'm older, like I did. 

Born into a Christian and Catholic family, and when I say that I mean it my dad was the youth group pastor and my mom was well she said she was catholic that should have been my first signal. That all being said, I was raised to have pride in my family and to love god. I met my childhood best friend at church. Her name was  Ezra Lee. She was named after a colonial Soldier from the 1800s. He was supposedly related to her. The first memory I have is of me and her playing in a sandbox 

. . . . .

"Hey, I have to go to the bathroom." I said to my best friend Ezra Lee  

"Okay I'll wait here." She said back to me

. . . . .

Looking back at this event makes me look at how simple our lives were, You see we thought that we would always get to have this perfect life and in a way her stayed okay or atleast better than mine. I ran into her a few years ago. She was in New York for New years and she had stopped at an ice cream shop in time square. I'm still not sure if I was happy to see her have the life. We both always dreamed about. We had promised each other that we would set each other on blind dates were we would meet our husbands and we would be the others kids' Aunt. But given that was back when I thought I was gonna marry men we were clearly wrong because now I’m writing this while my wife is sitting on the couch watching a romcom. I guess things never go according to plan anyway. Back to the past I realize How happy we were. How innocent  we were. It also makes me question why I didn't realize what was happening around me. It should have been obvious to me but I guess that when you're a kid you're oblivious of what happens around you. I mean it was normal for our  parents to leave their kids in their backyard alone at the age four but then again we were kids and this was normal to us. I have very few memories of being a happy child but I do remember this next fairly clearly. Because it has affected the rest of my life. You see in Colorado I was told by my mom that the normal age to lose your Virginity is 6. So the next part isn’t really going to affect a lot of my life but at the same time it has everything to do with the family I’ve built for myself. 

At a young age I did not only have feelings for the boys at my school but also the girls being a christian I thought that this was wrong. It might be that as an adult it's still hard to tell what's true and what's not but this one thing as a child had a big influence on my life. I remember being five and dating this girl back then dating was more like being best friends. When you're a kid you make a lot of mistakes; But I never thought that I would make this one. As a Preschooler and Elementary student I was considered a bit of a player, and to be honest my friends and my partner still think I am. I would chase the boys around and tackle them and kiss them I would pay them to date me; and like every player I cheated.I was at five and at spring break camp and went behind this boy that i still had a crush on named Christopher to get a crayon to color with, and I saw an opportunity my mind raced back in forth between his back and my lips, Back, lips, Back, lips. This was my opportunity so i sized the moment and  leaned down and kissed him. This was the end of everything. 

I was  popular or so I though you see I didn’t relize that people only liked me because they were scared of me, not because people liked me.blooming back I would have been scared of me too I was a lost kid who didn’t understand how to deal with emotions. Not only that but I had ADHD and Autism you see people love me because I’m diffrent now. But kids are scared of they don’t understand. You see I was like “Young Sheldon.” But my parents didn’t want me to be but you see she liked me she made an exception.she accepted me as an equal not someone to be feared atleast that was until I fucked up. You see she was the one for me the one that I had just messed everything up with. The day that we went back to school everyone in every grade was talking about what I had done. I didn't realize what I had done wrong (I mean it was a elementary relationship those don’t even count right; well apparently they started to count somewhere along the line. But I should also let you know that most pepole in Colorado lose there V card bettween the ages of 5-9  I didn’t no matter who I liked. I’m old fashioned I wanted to wait till marriage. That didn’t end up happening but once you have it with the person who you marry it’s not the same. You feel a spark of deepest emotions and regrets finally being released.) until I saw her and I felt this pit in my stomach grow. 

I walked up to her but kept staring at the ground and said "hay" 

she didn't not respond 

I started to say what I wanted to say and then the bell rang so I said to her, "I'll see you at recess. I want to discuss this."

I made it through the rest of my day with my head down until recess when I got outside I ran up to her smiling. We started to walk around and then I said, "we need some privacy to talk about this." so we moved to where no one could hear us.

She said, "Why did you do it?"

I responded looking down at the ground and kicking the dirt with my feet, "I don't know June."

June responded to me by saying, "Was it a dare?"

A part of me wanted to lie to her and say yes but the mature side of me developed and came out and said,"No."

She responded, "Why did you do it then?"

"I don't know but trust me there's not a bone in my body that doesn't want to take it back and doesn't regret doing it." I said as A tear fell down my face i quickly got rid of it in hopes that she wouldn't see it 

She told me, "How can I trust you when you cheated on me." ( by the way the only thing that I did was leaned over and kissed this kid on his back)

"I don't know what i was thinking." I said I took a pause to catch my breath so that I wouldn't cry and finished by saying,"I don't know if we can have the same level of trust but I will try every day for you to forgive me as long as it takes."

She stood up and Said "I don't think it will be i don't think i can trust you ever again."

"I love you." I said looking straight into her eyes making sure we both were making eye contact. ( I didnt love her because at this point in time I don’t know what love was. My  gorgeous family is across the room; As i wright  this and I don’t fell the same about her as I do about them. But at that point in time I thought I loved her things changed)

"And I hate you." she replied

I just stood there not knowing what to say. I wish I had said something because it might have saved me from these next words but then again I don't think anything could have as the two words I never wanted to come out of someone I loved mouth.

she said, "were over."

My world went dark I ran away crying and that pit didn't leave for a long time neither did the me not smiling and me not laughing and me not being happy it all went away for a very long time. So did the popularity the same day as everyone saw me being vulnerable and weak. I lost it all. Yet did I know that this was just the start of My Trauma as a child. This day ended everything good going for me or so I thought. You see for a long time I thought that no one else would care. But little did I know that there was someone having a normal life in Sacramento California. You see I was 8 when this happens which means she was 6 and attending the American Conservatory Theater which is located in San Francisco. See it’s weird saying all this because we have an 8 year old and a 6 year old right now and I just am so happy that there lives will be diffrent then ours. Anyway The next thing I know I was in the principal's office everyday. I remember one day Threatening to kill a kid and I was down in the office when the principal walked in. 

"Hello Jefferson," I said

"Hello Y/N," He replied 

"Can we just get this over with," I snarkly replied

"There are some people here to talk with you." He said in stern voice

I looked behind him expecting to see my parents but what I saw wasn't that It was two police officers. One started talking to me.

"Hello Mrs.?" one of them asked

"Y/L/N" I said

"Well Mrs.Y/L/N Im John. Will you come with us please," He asked

"Why?" I said standing up

"Hay SIT." He yelled as he pointed a tazer at me 

"Your not the boss of me." I said

Everything went fuzzy and black The next thing I knew I was getting taken out of the school in handcuffs and being put in the back of a cop car. It turned out they thought it wasn’t John though it was an officer who got fired shortly there after. I went to the station and waited at the station until they called my mom. I could hear the call. 

John asked,"Hello is this Mrs.Y/N/L ?"

My mom replied, " Yes, who's this?"

"This is officer john," He said well smiling at me

"What you want officer," My mom said 

"Well I have your daughter here, we need you to come pick her up." John said

"Yah no That's not gonna happen." My mom said and hung up.

I was seven and this isn't even the worst of it. I Stayed in that jail cell till anyone in my family would pick me up. Sadly no one ever did it was 1 year and 9 months until I saw my mother again but she wasnt there for me she was being arrested herself. They didn’t really have room for me in the officer area but I made that cell my home. I just don’t know how permanent it would become. 

I chuckled in my head and said in my head "that's where I got it." 

She had been there for a few days to get clean. The officers John, Peter, Liam, Roy, Rodger, Rodney, Zack, Kyle, Steve and Tony all treated me like family, not like a prisoner but like one of them. I remember Liam coming over to my cell and sitting down to play cards with me.  Well playing he told why my mom was there how she got caught high and selling drugs, how she was already wanted for being a sexual predator. Do you think this is enough trauma yet? Yah I would have too if i were you, but my life had other plans. They found my father 2 months later. He and my mother had split once she had started getting into drugs and when he found out that she was a sexual predator. We Were happy for 2 years. When he started drinking I was 10. When he started drinking he drank so much that some nights he wouldnt even be home when I would wake up. He would abuse me and I didnt know what to do. So one day I went to the police station and ran straight into peter. 

"Hello peter," I said

"Hay chipmunk. why are you here?" He said

Them  he looked at me and saw the bruises they kept me there until they arrested my dad for abuse. They gave me 2 options. I could change my identity and become a foster kid or I could live with my grandparents. I said i wanted to live with my grandparents and they drove me their  and gave my stuff to my grandparents thats were I lived until College. It was 1 year later I was 11 and I had to make a family tree i kept bugging my grandparents to tell me about my family but they just would ignore it. 

Until  one day my grandma set me down and said "do you really wanna know about your family," 

See I mean I really didn’t need to know because the assignment was done already as this was 9 months later. Which they used to keep me knowing because everything I mentioned happened in 9 months and a little bit before than.

I replied "yes"

"Okay sit down Me and your grandpa met in college and fell in love. your mom met your dad's brother and his friends in highschool, and your mom is a bit of a psychopath. You see she killed them, she stabbed most of them and burnt a couple alive. With the help of your father's ex wife. Who I think you know because she was your childhood best friend's mother .  Your father and your mother met in college in therapy. Your father for the death of his brother and Your Mother for mental help. They started dating, got married and got pregnant with you. The first four months she slept with your fathers ex wife.  You see your father and her got married Junior year of high school and were only married for only two years. Your father did not know they murdered a bunch of people in those 4 months about 43 people to be percisis they broke up to hide from the cops they got plastic surgery to not look the same so that the

 cops wouldn't find them. They weren’t that’s smart of people your mom never had been but the only time she was smart was when her sisters pet died or when she was getting in trouble you see she was always in the principal's office. ( wow just like me) After they broke up Your mother started hooking up with your fathers father, your grandfather your mother killed, your fathers mother your grandmother. Your mother slept with a highschooler 14 years old that kid was. The next was 17, then 12, then 9, then 10, then 5, then 4, then a 15 year old. She  wrote in journals that she couldn’t stop because they always made her fell so good. (I still question if this is why she kept on touching my legs when we were laying together.She always wanted me to sleep next to her. Another thing that only the cops knew for a while I find it hard to talk about is that my dad told my mom to go into the bedroom so they could do stuff she grabbed me and said can she come too.My dad stopped her and said no.) but she  kept those kids  in the basement of a house only she and no one else knew she owned .  Well she was still with your grandfather. your grandfather and her used to do drugs ( later on I also I found out that they would drug my dad and do drugs of off him and have sex on top of him while he was drugged.)in his son's house well he was at work at this time your mother had been pregnant with you 7 months. She stabbed your grandfather well sleeping  next to him. Blew up the house with the kids in it and then once your father found out she was doing drugs he checked her into a hospital to get her clean and make sure you were okay. they stayed married tell you were 1 to make sure she wouldn't do drugs during this one year he caught her cheating on him with the man you called dad for the rest of your life and divorced her your mother set her ex girlfriend up with your father they had your sister also and named her Ezra if I’m right she way your  best friend thats why they were always over there your dad divorced her when she cheated out him with your mother and the man you called your father. So did you really wanna know your family history?" she  asked me

" how do you know all of this," I asked

she pulled out a bunch of journals and diaries "because your mom wrote everything down."

When I said trauma I ment trauma. This drove something deep down in my core. You see I had always wanted to be a cop to give families the justice that they needed so I headed to the police satiation and ran into Johnson arms crying I could breathe I finally told him everything and . I showed them all the journals I stayed there for the night. The next day we went to the location where my mom had hid all the bodys that stupid bitch kept track of everything. My dog is even better at hiding his bones in our bed. Although I  was praying that they didn't find anybody, once we started finding bodies we never stopped finding the bodies there were too many too count. It guess she hadn’t stopped after I was born. I looked down in shock Crying. I walked up to John. 

I didn't know what to say but I said Cryinging " I want a normal life again. Everyones gonna look at me diffrent. I know that can't happen now but i'm willing to prove against my mom wrong. I feel bad for all these families but I want to do something normal.". 

John and I had a talk along with my grandparents and we decided that it would be better to have me be homeschooled. So that the bully wouldn’t get to me. It didn’t but I still struggled. I would go to the local store and people wouldn’t sell stuff to me. I was outside playing in the street and a car pulled up. It was the parents of the kids they had come to yell at me. They said I shouldn’t deserve to be alive and that they should look both me and my mom up. My grandfather came out and stopped him.

John wanted me too atleast stay near kids and I said theater actually what happened was. 

"Like what?" John said 

"I know i can't go to school yet because they don’t trust me and that i need to be acclimated into normall that’s why im doing homeschool but maybe( I looked down a saw a poster for a theater production at a highschool for Chicago there was a hot girl on the front wearing only a bra and pants.) i could start with doing theater." I said (hopping there would be hot pepole)

That's when this career choice started. That's when I made the first decision that I can remember. I arrived there that morning as a 12 year old left feeling like a 30 year old; With back issues needing a back massage and foot rub but that was all after my moms went to court

if you would like more just comment pls or like

[2dmenenthusiast]

Last Night on Earth Pt.4

(Ethan Winters x Gn!Reader)

shoot me in the face, I hate and love this chapter. some parts I really like, but others you can definitely tell I rushed through, but at this point imma say good enough and post it anyway. Lemme know what you think!

warnings/other infor: Vommiting, descriptions of gross shit like um Ethan sticking his hand in a dudes neck

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5 Pt. 6 Pt. 7 Pt. 8 Pt. 9

You didn’t think your body could survive more training without falling apart. Your limbs ached and your muscles were sore, eyes struggling to stay open as you laid in your bunk.

“Hey.”

Someone slapped your boot clad foot, effectively snapping you out of your near slumber. You grumbled and rolled onto your side.

“Not now, Harding.”

He laughed, fingers pushing into your back. “Come on, thought you wanted to shower after today?”

He was right. You were absolutely disgusting. Dried mud cracked against your skin, and you could practically feel dust settling under your eyelids. God, you were so fucking tired, though. You’d probably end up collapsing and falling asleep the second you stood under the water.

You stuck out your hands, making a grabbing motion. “Carry me.”

Someone chuckled from the other side of the room, and Lee came into your sight.

“You want a foot rub with that, too?”

Your eyebrows raised, pretending to think about it, and she slapped your shin. With a groan, you finally jumped down from your bunk, landing with a quiet “oof.” Harding was then quick to wrap his arm around your neck and get you in a headlock, which wasn’t hard considering he had almost an entire foot on you height wise.

“Ah— Hey!”

You struggled to push against his side, but it was like trying to fight a brick wall. He only laughed at your weak attempt, practically dragging you out of the room and towards the showers.

“You make it too easy, kid.”

“Ugh— Just you wait, I’ll kick your ass in hand to hand later.”

“Oh, I’ll put money on that,” Lee chimed in, her smiling face coming into view.

The hand not gripping Harding’s arm for dear life snatched out towards her face, and she jumped away with a squeal. Yes, every day of basic training, getting verbally abused by your superiors and kicked while you were down, it was hard. You were just grateful to have these two chuckleheads in your life to get you through it.

That reminded you, you had to write back home sometime soon. You knew they were all worried, least of all Lucas, but they were proud as well. When you first came to them and told them you wanted to enlist, your mother had her reservations, and Zoe was scared. But, your father held the fondness in his eyes only a dad could have for their child, and told you that if that’s what you wanted to do, then he’d support you. You knew he’d understand, considering the fact that he was in the service when he was younger.

They sent you off months ago with tears in their eyes, your mother clutching a tissue in her hand and hugging you so tight you could barely breathe. She didn’t want to let go. And if you were honest, you didn’t want to either. You’d never been away from home, not even to spend the night at a friend’s house. This terrifying unknown gripped at all of you, unaware of what your future held.

You pulled away from your mother, gently wiping at her tears, and told her everything would be okay, and that you loved her. It only made her crying worse.

You missed them. Fuck, you missed them every day. They constantly gave you updates on how Zoe was doing in school, what projects Lucas had been up to, and newer renovations your dad was working on around the house. You kept a photo they sent in their latest letter on your person at all times, a constant reminder of the unconditional love they held for you.

You couldn’t wait to see them again.

***

If you were sure about anything, it’s that you’d need to see a fucking chiropractor after all this shit was said and done. You think the last time you ached this much was back during basic training. You could practically hear your drill sergeant barking orders at you and screaming in your face. Hell, you’d spend the rest of your life climbing over walls and crawling under barbed wire while someone shot over your head rather than face another day of this miserable life you currently faced.

The only thing remotely giving you any hope was the thought of seeing your sister, safe and sound in the trailer where she said she’d be.

“Shit!”

Your foot caught in a large tree root and you stumbled into Ethan’s side, almost falling on your face if it wasn’t for his hold on you. Your body twisted uncomfortably and hot pain shot through you, fingers gripping the man’s shirt as he adjusted you.

“Come on, we can make it. Just a little further,” he said.

He tried tugging you along, but you resisted. Pulling yourself away, you kept your hand on his arm and shook your head. “I can’t. You— you have to go on ahead. I’m dead weight.”

Ethan’s eyes were wide as he digested your words, frantically moving his head back and forth and gripping your shoulders.

“Hey, hey! Don’t talk like that! We can still do this, I—”

“Christ, Ethan. I’m not asking you to leave me for dead,” you huffed with a smile.

You took a moment to look at him, and the urge to rub out the crease between his brows that held all his concern for you made your fingers twitch. You’re not positive if he really cares about you, or if he just needs you to get to his wife. But you didn’t particularly feel like making that distinction just yet.

“I can make my way back to the trailer on my own. It’s not far. You can go get the arm and meet me back.”

“And what happened to the second rule, huh? We do this together.”

He seemed desperate, like letting you walk away was signing your death warrant.

“And three: if we’re separated, we meet back at the trailer.”

Ethan huffed out a laugh, “Are you really trying to loophole your way out of this?”

Lips turning up in a smirk, you pushed your hand against his chest, getting some distance between you. “My rules, remember? I think I can bend ‘em a bit if I need to.”

You finally turned your back to him and began making the familiar journey back to the main house. His footsteps followed a bit after, and you thought for a moment he was going to escort you. Like he was that damn paranoid that you were going to die without his watchful gaze on you all hours of the night.

“You better still be kicking by the time I get back!”

“Yeah, right in your face, dick!”

His laughter echoed around the trees, and his footsteps went off in the other direction. The silence that filled the night air quickly surrounded you, nothing but crickets and wood creaking as the branches swayed in the wind. You must admit, you felt a bit unsettled without Ethan at your side. Without his constant questions and his god awful dad jokes, you felt alone.

You brought a hand up and lightly slapped your cheek.

Let’s just hope the asshole makes it.

Something in your head was yelling at you to turn back and go for him. That separating was as bad of an idea as Ethan said it would be. But you knew you had to keep going. You’d only slow him down, and that’d get both of you killed.

You wonder how long it’d take for your father to come after you. What monster he’d regenerate into before trying to tear you all limb from limb. And Lucas. Whatever sick games he was devising for all of you, you weren’t sure you wanted to know.

That was one thing that unsettled you. The fact that Lucas was already messed up before the mold got in his head. A neighbor boy went missing some years back, one that your brother had over a few times. You couldn’t prove it, but you knew he had something to do with it. He had been showing all the signs. You found buried animal corpses in the backyard one day, your stuffed animals and toys cut open and disfigured. You were just grateful he never went after you or Zoe. No, that would make your parents too suspicious.

Hand reaching up, you felt in your jean pocket and felt the coolness of your mothers wedding ring against your fingers. Maybe she was somewhere, looking down at you. You never took much stock in those beliefs, especially since this whole thing started. But it was never bad to hope. To think that maybe she was your guiding hand in all this fucking mess.

The light from the trailer shone through the trees, causing you to pick up your pace with your gun out and ready, and your heart raced as you got closer. You prayed to anything and everything that Zoe wasn’t hurt. 

She’s there! Just behind the door—!

You rushed up the steps and burst through, calling out your sister’s name with a large grin on your face. It slowly dropped though when you realized the trailer was empty. No sight of her anywhere.

“... Zoe?” You turned every corner, looked in the closet… Nothing. “Zoe?!”

The phone rang, and you swore you were going to give her a fucking earful as you picked it up and pressed it to your ear.

“You worried me sick, ya know?! Where the hell are—”

“I’m so sorry, but Zoe can’t come to the phone right now! I thought she uh, needed a lil’ time out. She and Mia are keepin’ each other company,” Lucas laughed.

Eyes widening, your heart raced and your hand slammed down on the countertop. “Lucas, I swear to god, don’t you fucking touch her! I know you really want Ethan and I. Just let them go!”

“Nuh-uh! I got big plans for all of ya’ll. You want that head so bad, right? Feel free to come get it! But only if you participate in a little uh, activity I’ve put together for you both.”

Your eyes squeezed shut, angry tears brimming around them as your fingers curled into a fist. If it was possible, you’d reach through the phone and choke the fucking life out of him.

“Fuck you, Lucas! I’m not playing your sick games anymore!”

“Awww, now don’t be like that. Now, what I need you to do is take a peek inside the fridge there. Come on, you wanna have some fun, don’t ya?”

Chest shuddering with a deep breath, you adjusted your fingers around the phone, feeling like you were about to break it in your grasp. “You better hide, Lucas. Because I’m not gonna stop ‘til I find you and fucking bleed you dry!”

He started to speak again, probably to throw another childish insult your way, but you slammed the phone down onto the cradle before you could hear anymore. The phone was picked up and thrown across the trailer, the cord ripping out of the wall as it clanged loudly to the floor.

You wanted to scream. Yank your hair out. You wanted to wrap your hands around the little bastard's throat and squeeze until his eyes popped out of his sockets and he was choking on his own blood.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

FUCK!

Your fist slammed into the closet door, no doubt reopening what had previously healed, and you collapsed onto the bed with your head in your hands. You were acutely aware of the fact that there was still some disturbing gift in the fridge left by your brother, but you didn’t want to look. What if it was some part of Zoe? You couldn’t take knowing if he hurt her.

God, you were just so tired. All of this running around, looking for the serum. You were still skeptical about it even working. And if it didn’t, shit, you don’t know if you’d be able to handle it. You always tried to remain strong. For you, for your sister. No matter what or who came at you, you didn’t let it slow you down. You pushed and pushed and pushed until it fucking hurt. Until you almost broke. But this. The one hope you have of getting out of here turning out to be a complete and total sham.

That would break you. It would break Zoe. And all hope and reason would be gone.

Your hand sweeped over the covers, gently grasping them before you laid down and curled up on your side. You pressed your face into the pillow, the tears you desperately tried to hold back slipping down your face.

Was this it? You’d just lay down and wallow here in your pain and misery?

But it hurts so much.

It always fucking hurts. No matter which way you wrap it, what direction you take, whatever you do differently. It never stops hurting.

You could feel your body sinking into the bed, pain pulsing through your muscles. 

Get up. Get up. Get up!

I can’t

You don’t want to.

No. I don’t

Your throat burned and your chest ached as you choked on a sob, slamming your fist into your chest and gasping. You just wanted it to stop. You didn’t know if it ever would.

I should’ve been faster, Zoe. I’m sorry.

The door to the trailer creaked open, followed by a male voice calling out your name. You were half tempted to tell him to leave, too embarrassed to have him witness you in such a weak state. You knew he’d try to comfort you, try to give you words of encouragement and tell you to keep going. You didn’t want to hear any of it right now.

He called your name again, his footsteps getting closer. They stopped right next to you, your back facing him, and it was like you could feel the air around you shift with his sudden concern.

“Hey… Hey, what’s going on?”

His voice was soft. Gentle. Having him near you again… it was comforting at the very least.

Shaking your head, you sniffled, nose full of snot and your face crusty with dried tears. “She’s gone… He took her,” you muttered.

The bed sank with Ethan’s weight, his leg touching yours. “Lucas. Listen, we’re gonna get her back. Her and Mia.”

You raised your hand, pointing towards the fridge. “He left us something.”

Following your finger, Ethan hesitantly stood from the bed and walked over. You held your breath when you heard the fridge door open, and he softly gasped. You swallowed down the lump in your throat.

“Is it her?”

The gap of silence between your question and his answer was too long for your liking. Like he was keeping you guessing and in suspense. But you breathed out a sigh of relief when his voice finally reached your ears.

“It’s the deputy.”

With a wince, you rolled onto your other side and looked down the trailer at Ethan staring into the fridge with a look of horror on his face. He slowly let it shut and met your eyes before making his way back to you. He cautiously looked you over, assessing the damage done to you by your mother and whatever other monsters you ran into during the night.

Your bandages were soaked through and dirty, your face covered in muck and debris and your blood seeping through your clothes. You looked like hell. And Ethan was sure he didn’t look any better. But you… You were so strong. So diligent and thought out in everything you said and did. Ethan wasn’t sure if he met anyone nearly as stubborn and headstrong as you. No one would probably come close.

He located the first aid kit from when he last used it and sat beside you, draping one of your arms over his lap. He was slow and methodical as he unwrapped the ruined bandages. You realized he was just as gentle as when he first did them. Back when he didn’t even know you. Ethan was the type of man to give you the shirt off his back if you asked him to. He was someone honorable. Devoted. That you knew now. And you admired it. And here he was, taking care of you when he didn’t need to. Wrapping your arms when it was probably pointless. They’d just get ruined again. You’d just get hurt worse than before.

Why did any of it matter?

“How’s your back?” he asked, his voice soft.

You shrugged. “Hurts.”

“Well, I’d say that’s a bit of an understatement,” he chuckled, finishing wrapping your other arm.

You looked at the clean bandages and slightly flexed your fingers, making sure you still had feeling in them. Ethan got up at some point, you could hear the water from the sink running, and he came back with a wet rag in hand. Sitting back down next to you, he reached out towards your face and paused just short of your forehead, silently letting you know that he was going to touch you. You didn’t flinch. Not this time. But still, he took care in making sure you were okay.

When the cool rag touched your skin, you sighed and closed your eyes, and you could practically hear Ethan smile. He was happy to see you take a moment. To not be so on guard all the time.

“You know, I don’t think getting me all nice and prettied up is gonna increase our odds of getting out of here.”

Ethan chuckled, the rag swiping over your jaw. “I don’t know. Might stop those weird monster lookin’ things in their tracks for a moment.”

You scoffed. “You flatter me, Winters.”

Once he was done wiping your face, he went to pull away, but you grabbed his wrist and sat up on the bed. Silently, you grabbed the rag from him and started cleaning up his own face, sharp features dulled by the dirt covering them.

“Oh I see. Now we’re doubling our chances,” he said, a grin on his face.

Your fist lightly jabbed at his chest and you dropped the rag onto his lap with a small chuckle. “I don’t really think you’re their type.”

He shimmied his shoulders, straightening himself up. “I think I clean up okay.”

“Yeah, okay Fabio.”

He stood from the bed and helped you up, making sure you had your balance. Your muscles and bones ached and screamed in pain, urging you to stop. But you knew now that you couldn’t. You had to keep going, no matter what.

“We have to go back into the house. Get a key or something.”

Shaking your head, you looked through your closet and picked out a clean shirt. You signaled for Ethan to turn around, and he did without question. “So we’re participating in his fucked up games then.”

“Hey, I don’t like it either, but what other choice do we have?”

You sighed, clapping him on his shoulder once you were properly dressed. “Great. Just know I’m gutting him when we find him.”

“I’ve got no objections.”

Checking your gear, you and Ethan made sure you were fully stocked up before leaving the trailer and walking back up to the main house. As soon as you opened the back door, a flood of emotions filled you that you couldn’t quite place. Grief. Longing. Nostalgia. It was overwhelming to say the least. You had so many good memories growing up here. You were loved and cared for. You tried not to let your current situation tarnish those memories… But needless to say, it was difficult.

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“Basement. Gotta find the cop’s body.”

You had a full body shiver at the thought of going down there, making a disgusted noise. Ethan turned to you with a raised eyebrow.

“You scared?”

“I’m sorry, have you seen it down there? It’s something out of some sick prick’s nightmare.”

“Pretty sure this whole place is some nightmare.”

You sighed, checking behind the door decorated with a scorpion. “Yeah. No need to tell me twice.”

You let Ethan take the lead into the basement, knowing full well how capable he was by now at protecting himself and you. If anything proved it, it’s how well he handled himself with your mother. Not to mention the fact that he’s survived long enough without your help at first.

It was darker and more decrepit than you last remembered it. Slime and mold covered the walls, entrails of something decorating the floor. Your nose turned up at the stench of rotten flesh, plastic bags stained red scattered around each room you searched. You never knew what went on down here. You never cared to. But the innocent screams you heard late at night told their own story. One’s that would stick in your mind until you met your own end.

Something rumbled not too far off, and you both paused, weapons at the ready. After a moment of brief silence, Ethan shrugged.

“I feel like I’m hearing things at this point—” 

The wall in front of him exploded and out came one of those mutated monsters, scrambling towards him on all fours 

“Shit!”

He pumped the creature full of bullets until the cylinder was empty, and it collapsed to the floor with a final breath. He turned to you, chest heaving.

“What the hell was that thing?!”

“Another one of Evie’s friends. We don’t see that kind a lot, but keep an eye out for more just in case.”

Ethan nodded, reloading his revolver and continuing forward. Glancing down at the dead creature, you frowned. How could a little girl be capable of this? So much destruction. So much hate. She wanted a family. That’s what she always said. That Mia was her mommy. What happened to her to make her like this? Who did this to her?!

The thought made you angry. Some fucking government corporation experimenting on little girls and profiting off of it. What kind of sick fuck would do something like that? You knew about bioweapons during your service. Many of your peers thought it was bullshit. Made up. But seeing this… It all confirmed it as reality. Your reality.

By the time you made it to the Dissection Room, you felt like you wanted to vomit all over Ethan’s back. The sights and smells were almost more than you could handle, a constant stone in your throat as you swallowed back the bile threatening to rise up. You weren’t usually this squeamish, having seen a lot of disturbing and unsettling things in your life. But comparatively, this was so much worse.

You and Ethan gazed at the headless, rotting corpse of the deputy, his limbs stiff and his body cold as rigor mortis set in. His veins were black and that same gooey substance covered him, suggesting that the infection had spread through his body.

Poor bastard.

You glanced at the wooden board placed next to his head and skimmed over the crude handwriting, barking out a shocked laugh. Once Ethan read it, he shook his head with a groan.

Prove you’re a real man— stick your hand down the pig's throat!

“Oh, absolutely not.”

You immediately stepped away, arms crossing over your chest. He looked at you with wide, expecting eyes.

“You’re really expecting me to do this? He’s your brother!”

“Ah ah— adoptive. I think that’s the key word in this situation here. And I’m pretty sure he’s speaking to you here, Hoss.”

With a sigh, Ethan rolled up his sleeve and flexed his hand, slowly and reluctantly pushing his fingers into the deputy’s neck. Your hand slammed over your mouth as you watched him get up to his elbow in this guy, his flesh squishing and squelching as Ethan searched around for the key. He let out a grunt once he found it and slowly pulled his hand out, and the trigger on your gag reflex finally released as you bent over and emptied your stomach.

Now, normally you’d hold onto a smidgen of shame and would’ve swallowed it back. But now? You were okay with being an upchucking coward for just a few moments.

Ethan mumbled out a curse and hurried to your side, but you put your hand out and signaled to him that you were fine.

“God, that’s fucking disgusting,” you gasped out, wiping the back of your hand over your mouth.

Ethan didn’t say anything, simply staring in horror down at his hand, covered in blood and other mysterious substances he didn’t want to think about.

“Think I’d rather get my hand cut off again,” he muttered, wiping his arm on his shirt.

He shoved the snake key in his back pocket, which you had no objections to because fuck being in charge of carrying that nasty thing. The speaker in the room came to life with a sharp ring, and Lucas’s voice followed after.

“That pretty little thing will help you find the two keycards you’re gonna need to join the party we’re havin’ over here! Y'all gotta earn your way!”

“Oh go fuck yourself,” you sighed, hands gripping your knees. From the lack of response, you're guessing Lucas didn’t hear you.

“Come on, the sooner it’s over with the better.”

You took to Ethan’s side without further complaint, and you both proceeded to scramble all over the house for doors with the large snake charm on it. It wasn’t very difficult, one leading to Lucas’s childhood bedroom and the other leading to the master bedroom. They sent you under and over, scouring around for those two stupid fucking keycards while dealing with more stupid monsters in this stupid house! By the time you finally found both of them, you stomped up to the glowing locked door with murderous rage on your agenda. The target? Your brother. And anything else that stood in your way.

Once the door clicked open, the only thing lighting your way was the flashing lights and the fluorescent glitter covering the floor. You climbed the stairs, and the words “LET’S PLAY” were painted in glitter across the floor and ceiling.

“Fucking dickhead,” you muttered. And maybe it was stupid of you considering the fact that you were ignoring Ethan’s concerned calls of your name, but you barged into the next room without thought. Your only concern was finding Lucas and killing him.

Luckily, nothing threatening was in the vicinity, besides a chair with an old CRTV sitting in front of it.

“Wow. Spooky. Careful, it might bite you,” Ethan said from behind you, lightly nudging your shoulder as he scooted past you and sat in the chair.

“Shut up, dork,” you mumbled. Before you could get another word out, the tv turned on by itself and the image of your brother fiddling with the camera popped up on the screen.

After a moment, he finally sat back and chuckled to himself, a satisfied look on his face. You immediately wanted to slap it off.

“Ethan. E-than! Hold on, hold on. I got somethin’ for ya.” He pulled something out of frame, and you quickly recognized it as the D-series head Zoe said she had. “You know what this is for? You know what Zoe wants to do with this?!”

He laughed maniacally, like he had it all figured out. And maybe he did. Maybe this whole ordeal ended with him winning and the rest of you dead. But you wouldn’t give up until he was dead and burned.

“Hooo-Wee! She thinks this thing is special! Nuh-uh. This— this right here is special.” He held up his hand, and in his other was a pair of pliers. You both watched in horror as he grabbed one of his fingernails and tore it off, leaving nothing but a bloody and raw nail bed behind. “You see, not everybody wants to turn back the clock!” Another nail, and you winced.

He suddenly turned to look at something off the screen, throwing the pliers down. “What?! What, Eveline? I’m just trying to show them! I'm trying to show them that not everybody wants to go back to how things were!” You doubted Eveline was really in the room with him. She could do that, make people see hallucinations of her without really being there. You’ve seen your fair share.

“Zoe’s a stupid bitch! She doesn’t understand that I don’t wanna go back to how things were before my father found y'all. That fuckin’ orphan neither! So,” he turned back towards the camera, getting way too close for your liking, “You can, um, crawl around that filthy, rotten house all you want lookin’ for them ingredients. But you ain’t gonna find a goddamn thing!”

You stepped away from the TV, looking for something long and preferably made out of metal.

“You wanna make that serum? Ooh, baby. You’re gonna have to come through me. You hear—”

A long steel pipe swung into the screen, causing Ethan to jump out of his seat with a loud curse as glass shattered onto the floor and sparks flew. You huffed out a breath, dropping the pipe and letting it clatter to the floor.

“Yeah. I hear you, asshole.”

You moved forward without a word to Ethan, too busy stewing in your own frustration, and he followed without question.

He was a fucking psychopath. Even while you were growing up, something was always off with him. You tried getting along as best as you could in front of your parents, but behind closed doors, you fought like anger was the only emotion you were capable of sharing with one another. He always teased and pushed you around. When you first started living with them, it wasn’t bad. It only got worse as you grew older.

Some days you could keep the peace, Lucas only being a mild annoyance to you at the best of times. But he would constantly poke and poke and poke until you fucking snapped. And he got no greater joy out of anything else than watching you get upset.

You’re not sure if he ever considered you his sibling. If he just thought you were some orphan that his parents took in out of the goodness of their hearts. He never got along much with Zoe either, but he didn’t pick on her nearly as much as he did with you.

3 out of 4 though? You were okay with that.

Your hand shot out and pressed against Ethan’s chest when you entered the next room, silently pointing towards the rectangular bomb with a glowing red light attached to the wall, along with the tripwire extending out from it. Raising your gun, you shot at it and watched it explode.

“He’s probably got this whole place trapped. Keep an eye out and shoot whatever bombs you see.”

“As if this guy couldn’t get any more sadistic,” Ethan said, heeding your warning as he made his way further into the room.

“This probably isn’t the worst of it.”

Ethan raised a hand and unenthusiastically shook it around in the air. “Hooray, can’t wait.”

Being so tedious and careful with every move you made was making you impatient. That was always your Captain’s main complaint about you. Impatient and stubborn. It’d probably be engraved on your headstone if you didn’t make it out of this alive.

Probably shouldn’t say that out loud.

You adjusted your grip on your gun, trying to ground yourself somehow so you didn’t go flying off the handle and rushing through the place. You’d have to say bye-bye to your limbs if you did that, and you didn’t feel like parting with them just yet.

How the hell am I gonna kick Lucas’s ass if I’m legless?

Shooting the last bomb, you rushed towards the metal door ahead of you and tested the handle to see if it would open.

It didn’t.

Of course.

Could someone forget to lock the door? Just once.

Ethan busied himself with the electronic keypad next to it, closely examining the worn numbers and cracked screen. The sound of metal rattling caught your attention, and your eyes snapped to your brother’s face pressed against the door.

“I know— fuckin’ passwords, right? Why don’t you try 0814.” Ethan furrowed his brows, fingers hovering over the keypad. “No-no-no-no! 0612. No, wait! It’s 0514. Come on, take a chance! You never know.”

You pulled the hammer down on your gun and shoved it between the holes in the door, the barrel lined up with Lucas’s head. “How about I fuckin’ blow your brains out instead?”

His eyes slightly widened and his lips slowly turned up in a grin. “Now, you know that won’t do much. I’ll just come back.”

You huffed, chest visibly rising with a deep breath. “No… But it’ll feel damn good.”

He had the nerve to laugh. Of course he did. He felt nothing, the sadistic prick.

“Yeah? Let’s see what happens to Mia and Zoe then when I get back up. Come on. Do it.”

A hand was on your arm, Ethan quietly muttering your name. “It’s not worth it.”

With a sigh, you slowly lowered your gun, reluctant to listen to Ethan. But you knew he was right, and you didn’t want to risk anything happening to Zoe or Mia if Lucas made good on his word.

But then he laughed again. “Awww. Like a trained dog— Shit!”

The bullet went clean through his leg, and he hurriedly limped away into the darkness.

“Feel better?”

You shrugged. “A little.”

A secret door opened next to you, and with nowhere else to go, you cautiously went forward.

“So,” Ethan began, “the whole Special Forces thing. You got any stories to pass the time?”

You let out a chuckle. “Sure, but none of them are nearly as crazy as what’s going on right now.”

“Well I’d be kind of worried if they were. Come on, even if it’s something small.”

Letting out a sigh, you and Ethan entered what looked to be a… barn? Since when the hell was there a barn on your property?

“Well. Ummm— Oh! There was the one time we had to apprehend the supplier of illegal weapons to a local terrorist group. They tried holing up in a building for a few days until we smoked ‘em out. Was kind of a shitshow.”

Ethan picked up a large battery, bringing it over to the panel on the wall.

“Oh—” you cut yourself off with a laugh, hand waving around, “And there was this other time Harding—”

The panel exploded into flames, causing you and Ethan to stumble back. Blue and white lights flickered and spun around the room, and your brother’s annoying voice came over the speakers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the barn fight! Keep it clean, y’all— we have rules!”

A metal shutter on the far side of the barn raised open, and the first thing you saw was yellow acidic liquid spewing through the air, the groans of something large and grotesque following it. The monster that came charging out was nothing short of those two things, it’s body fat and lumpy. Its small arms dangled at its sides, and its legs were so skinny you were surprised it could even hold its body up.

“Holy fuck!”

“Nothin’ fucking holy about it, Winters!”

You just barely dodged the creature's spray of vomit, the smell burning your nose hairs and leaving smoke where it hit the ground.

“What do we do?!” Ethan yelled, making his way up to the second level.

“Uh, maybe shoot the thing?!”

You pumped round after round into the monster’s body, it’s fatty tissue practically absorbing every shot. Its large fist came swinging at you, and you rolled under it’s arm. Thank god it wasn’t as fast as everything else you’ve run into.

“You got anything stronger?! I don’t think normal bullets are gonna work on this thing!”

“Uh, I have a grenade launcher!”

You practically stopped in your tracks.

A grenade launcher?!

“Where the hell have you been hiding that?!”

Ethan was frantically stuffing a round into the chamber, all the while running from the creature's attacks who had taken a sudden interest in him instead of you. “Does it matter?!”

“Yes! It absolutely matters!”

He lined it up and shot, the grenade exploding on impact and flames engulfing the monster’s body. It groaned loudly, but it wouldn’t go down because nothing ever dies that fucking easily around here. You shot at its back, trying to distract it while Ethan reloaded, but it was no use. That thing really took a liking to him.

Maybe cleaning up his face did work.

“Ethan! Get out of there!”

Reaching into the pack attached to your leg, your fingers grasped a heavy grenade and hurriedly pulled the pin. You threw it up next to the creature as Ethan got far enough, and it shook the floor when it blew up in the thing’s face. Letting out a groan, it fell onto its back and rolled around until its body exploded, pieces of disgusting flesh going flying.

“Fat man down, fat man down!” Lucas chimed in. “Meh— he was never my favorite anyways.”

Your heart beat like a drum against your chest, frantically trying to calm down your breathing as you raised your middle finger high in the air and slowly spun in a circle, hoping Lucas would see it.

Racing down the stairs, Ethan hurried to your side and checked over you.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

Oh, you’re hurt everywhere. But you knew that’s not what he meant.

“The fucker didn’t get me, don’t worry. How about you?”

He said he was okay, just some mild burns from where the vomit splashed him, but otherwise he was fine. You both stumbled over to the elevator, pressing the large red button on the wall and letting it take you up. Hopefully you didn’t run into those things again.

…You definitely would, knowing your luck.

You cleared your throat, catching Ethan’s attention. “So… Was it like, up your ass this entire time?”

“How in god’s name would I fit an entire grenade launcher up my ass?”

Looking down, you gave his behind a quick, appreciative glance. “I mean, not like you ain’t got nothing goin’ on back there.”

Ethan sputtered and practically choked on his own spit before barking out a laugh, a light red coloring his cheeks.

“Well, add that to my list of assets to distract these things.”

The elevator door opened, and Ethan walked ahead of you. Your brows raised, and you muttered to yourself quiet enough so he couldn’t hear.

“They’re not the only ones.”

[toestalucia]

I STILL have not watched versus&rising im gonna be honest with u BUT heavy heavy heaviest rising spoilers <33333333 (also main story spoilers

anyway im actually kind of worried about dad considering uh. rising casually having mom lore. like. 'i am your mother'. can u imagine releasing rising right after the most devastating story chs in gbf & us going to estalucia next update and being like 'hello heres ur mom. things are Not great and the implied dialogue is Hell'. fully understand all the 'rein.....O_O' comments they made on the rising streams JKBKADJD I GET IT NOOWWWWW (<-when it was released and my friend dm'd me asking me if i want spoilers)

like im sincereeeelllyyyyy hoping he's okay-ish but its also? if he went to estalucia for mom id like that. he returned to zinkenstill with a baby, and then left like 6-8 years later. i admittedly dont think he'd leave on a whim (theres also the part of how much happened ~10yrs ago). was the otherworld involved. was the kings eye involved. was mom dead before he returned to zinkenstill or. what is different in our timeline compared to the others (i saw one of the rising trailers and they use the bg art for the tree violet knight sits on in one of reins visions(??????)..................)

sorry risingers who r screaming that this is readily available knowledge IM GONNA WATCH THE STORY THIS MONTH I PROMISE i wanna pick up rein. i alrdy told kaitlyn that. but ill make it a separate blog cuz what the hell that is a SPOILER. but depending on it i might pick up dad too <-captain obsession

beyond hilarious baha made her goth tho. rein u r so fkng cool i love mothers u never couldve prepared me for mom to appear in the SIDEGAMES. theres a gran @ mom thing i rly wanna write. because to me theres certain things that gran doesnt want to hear from their parents? like..what happened happened.

GAMERS WHERE IS MY NOTES OF WALFRID TALKING ABOUT MOM had to grab it myself again

Walfrid: There's one more thing I need to apologize to you for. In all this talk about your father's journey, one piece of the puzzle has never been mentioned. You know what that is, don't you? I'm referring to your mother.

Walfrid: Yes, I know her very well. She was another great friend on our journey. In fact, she set off on the journey with your father right from the start. Gran: What kind of person was she? Walfrid: She was a compassionate woman, coming from a line of maidens who worshipped the god of the Sky Realm. Katalina: What? Then the maiden who sent Vyrn was… Walfrid: Yes, her. She lived in the same area as Gran's father. She grew up with her parents and younger sister in happiness. But then an incident compelled them to Vyrn and leave. (Taking cause and effect into consideration, this all dates back to when the sky was formed…) Vyrn: …? Walfrid shakes his head as if to dismiss his idle thoughts and returns to the topic at hand.

Walfrid: I have my reasons for not wanting to discuss that woman in too much detail. The truth is I don't know anything about her at present. As in I don't know where she is or what she's doing. I don't even know if she's safe.

Walfrid: But I have a feeling you will meet her at some point as your journey unfolds. You should prepare yourself for when that day arrives.

dialogues that lives in my head at all times

[mycptsdstory]

Here's a random thought;

When you CHOOSE to ignore me, don't answer my messages, don't answer my texts and just ghost me.

I know where the door is.

I haven't got time; wasting my god energy on people when they don't give the energy back.

You want to be my friend? Then fucking answer me.

I don't mind "oh sorry I didn't get back to you" that's fine. I don't mind that. Even after a couple of days or weeks. I get it life, mental health, work, kids or all the above, gets in the way. I GET IT.

It's not "oH I wAs bUsY" for like 6 months to a year?? Not even a message and you choose to ignore me. Okay... I know where I fucking stand. Bye bitch.

I'm not wasting my god damn energy on someone, when someone blocks me (for no reason), ghosting me, telling me excuses when I say "heyy, why have you been ghosting me?" I haven't got time for it.

I'm done "beating it around the bush" when that causes more harm than good.

Tell me the straight, honest, blunt truth... Or I'm gone and we never and I mean NEVER talking again. I'm closing that door and I'm not opening it again.

I'm 30, I'm too old for this shit.

Be honest with me, or I'm gone. For good.

[carlyraejepsans]

When he woke up again in the morning, it was to the chinking of ceramic at the breakfast table.

Papyrus also barged through the door with a loud greeting, bootin' his way into the house like a tornado about a second later. But it was the cutlery that woke him. Honest.

"Ah, hello Papyrus!"

"Good morning miss Toriel. Sans!!" his brother glared in his direction, crossing his arms over his chest, "Oh my god, did you fall asleep on the couch again?? Seriously! I can't leave you alone even a single night."

He snorted, "morning to you too, bro."

"Good morning!" Papyrus perked up, "You're still unbelievable."

Sans chuckled. He made to get up and—nope, okay, going back down. Turns out his neck really didn't want to, well. Turn. Not out, not up. Definitely not to his left.

Yeah, he had to give it to him there; he wasn't getting any younger.

...Something about neck pain, huh.

Eh. He should probably forget it.

"I hope I'm not too late to join you."

"Do not worry, my friend. You are just in time. I have already set your milk on the stove."

"Oh-ho, your foresight precedes you, as usual!"

"yeah. call that pre-mom-nition."

"Sigh... and he hasn't even left the sofa...!!"

When he finally sat down at the table, the kid was already digging into their grub. Something that might have been cereal just a few moments earlier, but looked more like paper marche with every stab of their spoon. They looked up from their improvised mortar and pestlè to give him a grin. He winked back. Bone appetite.

Toriel slid a plate of toasted bread under his face and he murmured his thanks.

"you got everything worked out last night?"

"Nyeheheh, I did! However! I'm afraid I shall have to break my fast... even faster than usual! Your handsome ambassador is still required elsewhere."

Frisk furrowed their brow. They let their spoon drop into their bowl to sign, "Is something wrong?"

"Of course not," his brother waved a hand in the air dismissively, "Just lots of meetings and talking no one really sees the point of, trying to get stuff approved. Seriously. I had fun doing daily reports to Undyne, but this is just ridiculous."

"yeah, they don't even let you supplex the other guy."

"They don't!! Human bureaucracy... I'll never understand it. What's that thing on your shirt."

…huh?

Papyrus pointed at him, "There! On your shoulder? sort of??"

He looked down at himself and—ah. Heh. Probably should've assumed something like that'd happen.

He shrugged. "dunno. ask Frisk. they were the one drooling on it."

The kid shoved another spoonful of cereal paste into their mouth and shrugged as well, "It was decent."

"oh?"

"I've had better. 6/10."

"woah. scalding critique. after ruining my outfit for today too… you're pretty ruthless."

Frisk snorted, then signed, "You were gonna change it anyway."

"why? it passed the smell test."

"It did nOt."

"yeah you're right. it passed the taste test though."

"Barely," Papyrus grumbled.

"Enough bickering, you three," Tori laughed to herself as she got up to put the milk in the fridge, "rest assured, if Sans here holds off on his cleaning routine any longer, I will take drastic measures."

Oh boy. "really. by hand or measuring tape?"

She looked over her shoulder. Talk about angelic smiles.

"The garden hose."

He didn't even have a chance to say "promise?" that bam, kid started kicking up a stink worthy of a shower too. How HE gets to play with the hose now and that's supposed to be fair? Where's justice gone off to die to, and so on. Tori laughed, saying something about how summer was ending and SOME people could stand getting blasted with water out in the cold without being sick for a month; all while rattling 'round the fridge.

Then she suddenly stopped.

When she turned around, she had The Face.

"Frisk," she said. She had The Voice, too. She narrowed her eyes, "I believed I had made myself clear. No human sweets after ten in the evening."

She held up the incriminating evidence.

Huh. Oh yeah, he'd seen that chocolate bar around before. Had been in the fridge since dog knew how long.

He was pretty sure it hadn't been bitten in half though.

The kid's eyes widened. "It wasn't me!", they gestured wildly in defence of their innocence.

Toriel's goare narrowed further.

Obviously she was out of the question. Paps too, since he'd left in time with an alibi. That only left two options.

The kid turned towards him. He looked back.

"who, me?" he said with a wink, "sorry, not a fan of that stuff. my sweet tooth fell out years ago"

Their face was… heh. Okay. Who knew pure betrayal could look that adorable.

"My child…" Toriel began again.

Aand yep. That was the time to tab out. He couldn't leave the kid thinking they'd been framed. Pranks were fun, but groundings aren't stuff to be trifled with. Besides, as much as his instincts were dying to let the matter fade into oblivion, he'd put a couple things together about last night.

"but, uh, personally I would lay off on time-outs this time," he jumped in, parrying Tori's scolding glare with a wink, "as it turns out. Seems like we've got a sleepwalker in the house."

She blinked at him.

"Is that so?"

"Yup."

He laid back in his chair and shoved his hands in his—right, no pockets. Oh well.

Looking back at the kid, their face was carefully blank.

"woke up tonight when they face-planted off the couch. they got as far as the fridge and then came back, but they were uh, clearly out of it. i didn't try to stop em in case they did something funny."

"...Sleepwalking," the kid repeated.

"Hey, I used to do that too! Sans had to get me off the roof once."

Even Tori had to concede after watching their back-n-forth, "Well, I suppose I can see your reasoning. Sleepwalking can make for very entertaining stories."

Yep. There it was. He threw her a wink; ever a woman after his heart.

"gotta be honest, though. the special effects were a surprise. do all humans have glow-in-the-dark eyes or didja snatch a special edition somewhere?"

He threw a glance to the side at the kid, but they weren't looking at him. They looked, well, pensive.

…Tori too. She blinked. He couldn't help noticing her eyelids fluttering closed for just a second too long.

"It is not unprecedented, no."

Right. He really oughta try his best not to send her down memory lane.

Frisk looked up at him again and… yeah. Okay. He forgot that too sometimes. The kid had a gift just for unnerving him.

"Did I say anything strange?"

Sans looked at them. Maybe, he thought, he shouldn't have worked himself up over the red eyes thing. Not when the kid looked like they'd had a staring contest with King Midas on a normal day.

"Actually… you did."

It was something with the way they held themself. He couldn't explain it any other way.

He leaned in. The kid leaned in too. Even his brother and Tori gathered just that much closer.

"Well????" Papyrus actually whispered.

He smiled.

"I'm the greatest booger eater."

A loud snort broke the silence. Tori looked guilty around the room.

"Forgive me, I was not expecting that."

Then the groaning began.

…He'd changed his mind. THIS was his favorite moodsetter.

Amidst his brother's theatrics, Frisk scrunched their nose up at him.

"Secret secret password?"

"of course not," he said, "that would be extremely childish."

Papyrus stood up first.

"Well, I'll be off then. I won't be running late to entertain my brother's shenanigans."

"Can I come with?" the kid piped up. Something in their face still held something serious in it.

His brother hesitated, "W-Well."

"Just to the edge of the woods," they went on, "There's someone that I want to see again."

"My child, are you sure you—" Tori began, but the kid shook their head.

"I already know the way back. It's just to make the trip easier. I'll be home for dinner. Promised."

"sounds to me like you're just itching to hitch a ride on a cool car."

They stuck their tongue out at him. Rascal.

"Humm! Well, if miss Toriel doesn't object, there is in fact a very cool car we need to take right now!! Nyeheheh, quickly, on board!"

Frisk climbed onto his brother's back. Barely a second later, they were already out the door, hooting and cheering like goofballs.

Heh. Talk about their average monday.

He'd have cracked another joke, but he noticed Tori staring into space again. Chocolate bar in her hands. Mind away and away.

But he wouldn't have needed to see her to tell. After all, they'd talked in silences for so long, he would've know she was in a reminiscence spiral with his hands in his pockets, and a door behind his back.

Still, there were things a door didn't let you do.

He reached out to put a hand over one of hers. They were big enough that he could cover only a few digits, but hey. It was the thought that counted.

"you good?"

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand back.

"I am. Thank you, my friend."

"don't sweat it. looks like you're gonna need to make a sugar stash against the kid."

"Yes. I was considering my possibilities, in fact."

He grinned. "my vote's on the electricity panel."

"The… electricity panel?"

"yeah. it's already choc full of the stuff."

"Leave."

Technically speaking, he was a light sleeper.

Which was just hilarious for two different reasons. One, he topped at twenty pounds soaking wet—and that was after he'd reached for the towel. The joke basically wrote itself. The other reason was, of course, that nobody believed him. Honestly, he could kinda get it. It's pretty hard for irony to escape him, even on a bad day. The way he saw it, though, maybe he wouldn't take as many naps as he did, if he just managed to get one to stick.

...heh, nah. Probably not. Late to rise, early to bed, makes a man lazy or clinically dead, or however the saying went. Still.

The kid stiffened against his ribcage and that was all it took for his eyes to fly open.

The popcorn ceiling of the living room stared back at him through the darkness in all its tacky glory. Now that's another joke that writes itself. It wasn't a movie night at Tori's without some comment about her taste in decor. That always earned him a round of groans. Or a halfhearted pillow to the head. It was one of his favorite moodsetters.

His hand dangled in the air at his side. Not on the floor. Just a few months earlier, that alone would've told him he wasn't in his room, but oh boy, had things changed. He had a bedframe now, not to mention enough self respect for one. AND fitted sheets—that was a lifetime first. You had to be careful not to fall off, but all things considered, it was the fanciest bed he'd slept on since he'd tried using his worker bonus at MTT's. If he risked falling off the bed now, he'd risked never finding his way out then. Not to mention the guy in the other room calling for room service the entire night. He almost retired the midnight snacks bit on Undyne out of sympathy the next time she came over.

Almost.

The kid's head twitched.

Right. Popcorn. Living room. Springy mattress. He didn't need to smoke a pipe to realize he'd fallen asleep on the sofa. Didn't need a goofy hat either to see that someone must've thought he'd make a good pillow. Go figure. He'd gotten real good at making himself look softer under his clothes, but still, it wasn't exactly the kind of magic a guy could keep up with his eyes closed and a pillow behind his head. He just hoped they weren't too uncomfortable.

He must've dozed off sometime after Papyrus left the house and Toriel turned in for the night, 'cause nobody had stopped by to throw a blanket over him. Most nights that would've been fine. Nice thought aside, skeletons didn't really feel cold "to their bones", on account of lacking all the soft and fleshy stuff on top of 'em.

Yeah, well. Most nights. Most nights he didn't have a human kid sleeping on top of him, either.

Sans looked down. He resisted the urge to blow a strand of hair out of their face.

Most nights, skeletons didn't have hearts beating against their ribs.

Ba-dum—ba-dum—ba-dum.

He would've asked them if it felt any different, having it beat on the other side of their ribcage, if they hadn't already crawled their way inside his months before.

Heh. Not like they hadn't done the same with everyone else. Or ever asked for permission, the little freeloader. But he supposed that part came free with being monsters. The whole HOPE and compassion and everything nice kinda shtick. As a rule, they were, uh, very prone to attachment. It was hardwired into their SOULs or something. Of course, he knew better than anyone that compassion had its cost, and he'd ran low on HOPE for a long, long while, but...

There was a ray of light coming through the kitchen at night like he hadn't seen in an even longer time. The kind with a moon and stars hung at the other end of it.

Yeah. Maybe he could afford something nice for once.

Frisk stirred again. He kept as still as possible as they wriggled around, pushing themself off of him—trying, he assumed, not to shove their boney little knees somewhere unpleasant.

Then they flopped to their side and fell to the floor with a thud.

See, THAT'S the kinda issue you don't have when you have no self respect.

Slowly, the kid got to their feet again. They stood perfectly straight for a moment, then took an unsteady step forward. Then another.

To call it "walking" would've been an act of mercy. It was more of an ambling. Maybe a shambling. Sans watched their journey towards the kitchen mentally listing of adverbs. Stumbling. Fumbling. Trailing. That one didn't have a mbl in it, points for originality.

Mostly, he was ecstatic. Nothing made for fun breakfast stories quite like sleepwalking. And well, he hadn't had one of those since Papyrus turned fifteen and stopped sleeping entirely.

When the kid finally reached the fridge, they all but shoved their head inside it. He heard them do... something in there. There were definitely teeth involved. He was about to ask them to bring some goods back to homebase.

The door of the fridge clicked closed.

He didn't.

Then, he almost made a joke about forgetting their headlights on, but thought otherwise. He was glad he'd left his own off.

Besides, it was the taillights that were supposed to glow red.

Eyesockets dark and still pretending to sleep, he kept watch as the kid turned around and retraced their shambling steps to the living room like a miniature zombie.

Halfway to the sofa, they stopped, making a small sound like a grumbling of annoyance. For a second their eyes grew even more unfocused.

"Sleep," they rasped out in a low, halting whisper, "I saved you a crick in the neck."

It took him a second to register that the kid wasn't talking to him. Mostly 'cause Frisk didn't speak. To him. Or ever.

By the time they reached their starting point again, his excitement had died off into quiet confusion and quickly curdled into caution. They stopped at the edge of the sofa and fixed him with a stare, looking at where they'd been sleeping before. Sans waited.

"I am not doing that," they rasped to themself again.

Then they climbed onto the other end of the sofa and curled around themself as small as possible. So tightly it looked like they wanted to tuck their tiny body into a ball.

When they stopped moving, they didn't move again.

Sans didn't lift a finger. His brain whirred in his skull, ready to chalk up the past few minutes to the sleepwalking and forget they ever happened. Staring up at the popcorn ceiling again, though, he couldn't shake off a wave of uneasiness; like he'd seen something he wasn't quite supposed to put together.

Any man would've spent the night awake.

He cast a glance at the kid, huddled in their corner. There was no heartbeat against his ribs now: something about the silence felt foreboding.

Sans closed his eyes.

Ten minutes later, of course, he was out like a light.

[signalterminated]

III knows this dream. 

He's sitting hunched between the shadows and neon flashing of a hotel sign, body wound tighter than the cheap bed springs he's sitting on. The red analog glares at him, mercilessly displaying the time. 

2:43 AM

He's always been like this, for as long as he can remember: a constant flux between almost-normalcy and erratic batshit insomnia, his body running off of amphetamines and mania, mind sputtering like the last few drops of fuel in the tank.

This time, though, something else is keeping him awake. He came so far to see her and made so many promises but she didn't believe a single one of them – and why would she? He'd broken them several times before.

(I'm clean I swear I wanna be your man)

He pulls out the little bedside bible and rips out a few pages, folding and unfolding, rearranging them into an effigy. A symbol. He places it on the bed and kneels on the carpet, clasping his hands in prayer.

God, he thinkwhispergrowls, all I want is for her to pick up. Can you give me that much? 

He promises that the last time truly was the last time. No more chasing after the head rush that slips further out of reach each time he snorts another line. He’ll settle down this time, keep a tune and a job for more than 6 months, be an honest man. Dependable. Reliable. All that crap. 

(He's a cautionary tale of every promise made that you can't keep, and if God does exist then he'll know it, too.)

Maybe that's why all he's met with is silence. It's certainly why she never picks up the damned phone. 

III chews his lip and knocks the effigy off of the covers. In that moment of despair he's right back to craving his old vices: the mercy of a bottle to knock him into dreamless slumber, a pill on the tongue to fizzle away his restless consciousness and placate its choppy waters. 

With a sigh he pushes himself to his feet. Fine. Finefinefine – if she won't call, if he can't sleep, then fuck it. Fuck all of it, he'll leave. He'll crawl back to his dingy flat alone and swallow all his promises, chase them down with the packet of benzos he tucked underneath his mattress for a rainy day. 

Lucky for him, London has a lot of rain. 

When he yanks the hotel door open, prepared to stride out and enjoy one last stupendous act of self destruction, he’s met with a void.

The floor is gone. So are the ceilings, and the walls, and everything else that could delineate solid ground from empty space. Nothingness hangs above and below. 

But III knows this dream. He doesn't scream. He doesn't reel from the darkness yawning open before him, waiting for him to plunge into its bottomless gullet.

“God dammit.”

He yells out in rage and his yell is swallowed into the Nothing. It reminds him of being enclosed in a soundproofed studio, listening to a vocalist whose name slips his tongue roaring his lungs out into the mic. All that energy goes directly into the recording. No room for wasted noise. 

He knows this dream; he could scream and scream and it won't make a difference. All the people that would have cared are gone. It's just him and his bad choices caught in a limbo, perched on the edge. Trapped and waiting for a call that'll never come. 

So he stands there, leaning out over the threshold and huffing in anger that has nowhere to go. The Nothing wants him to jump and for once he decides to wait – it's always a 50/50 that it'll wake him up or leave him falling forever. He'd rather stay here on this ruddy carpet, pacing and caged. At least it’s solid ground. He'll wake up eventually. 

Right? 

He's about to pull himself back when a breeze blows through the Nothing and catches him by surprise. His nails dig into the doorframe as the rest of him lurches forward then back, seesawing over the edge. Then it happens in reverse. And reverse again.

Okay, that's new.

Something sharp and white glints below, peeking out from the abyss: a circle of bony protrusions too massive to estimate. His head spins as they unfold into concentric rings that rise and fall with every breath, even and calm.

Fangs. He's looking at fangs. A supersized lamprey’s maw comprised of shadows and teeth.

He wants to close the door but the door is gone now, too. He hovers on his patch of carpet that levitates in the void, a speck waiting to be sucked down into abyssal jaws. 

But they don't. They don't snap upward and crush him, or force him off the tiny scrap of reality he still clings to like a sailor to shipwreck debris. They simply breathe that same unchanged pace with all the patience of a predator that knows it’ll get fed either way. 

III is a lot of things but patient isn't one of them, so he shouts directly into that horrifying, toothy void,

“What the hell do you want!?”

And he's shocked to hear his echo rise back up to meet him. It's distorted, pieces carved away by whatever nonsensical properties govern this fever dream.

The hell do you want

Hell do you

Do

Youyouyou

You.

Oh. Oh, shit. 

He tries to take a step back and gasps out as he nearly tumbles backwards into Nothing, scrabbling to hold onto the doorframe. His heart is pounding harder than a kick drum, knocking against his sternum with every throb. 

And then he's laughing. It echoes back to him in a hollowed out hyena cackle. He's a half mad dog with every limb snared, no chewing his way out of this. 

“So that’s how it is, then.” His palms are coated in sweat and his fingers ache from holding on so hard that his nails bite long crescents into the wood. 

“Alright,” he says. “Okay.”

The jaws continue to breathe and offer no input. They don't need to; they know they're his only option. 

“Fuck it.”

He launches himself from his tiny island before he can think too hard about the bottomless gullet waiting below. 

III’s jolted by the impact of his body meeting the floor. He's a crash-landed pilot, flailing in the blanket tangled around his limbs like a mangled parachute, sweat further adding to his suffocation. 

By the time he rips the blanket off of himself and crawls back into bed, his heart is at a wild gallop and his gut is somersaulting high enough to compete in the Olympics. He drags a clammy hand down his clammy face and lets out a loud, nauseated groan. 

His hand slaps around his bedside table for his phone and hastily turns it on. The bright, fluorescent light makes his eyes ache, but at least he can read the time.

5:46 AM

Great. He doesn’t need to be up for another two bloody hours. 

He tosses his phone onto the bedside table and flops his head back onto the pillow, waiting for his pulse to level back out to a tolerable baseline and for his sweat to dissipate in the stale air of his poorly ventilated flat.  

Another part of him is waiting for a halo of fangs to descend from the popcorn ceiling above and finally crush him to paste.

Minutes tick on by and no fangs descend. Of course they don’t, because that would be impossible – it was just another stupid dream from his stupid brain railing on his stupid past decisions. That’s all it ever is. 

When he runs his tongue over his teeth, he tastes saltwater. 

[stormcallgaming]

🖋️ Tiger’s Review; Spellbreak

As of January 10th, 2023, Spellbreak is no longer available to play because the server has been shut down. I wasn’t able to “finish” this game because I didn’t have enough time to get the last trophy, but I played enough to voice my opinion on this game. So let’s get into it!

I first played this game in October of 2020, about a month after it was released on the PS4. God, it does not feel like I first played that long ago, it only feels like a year lol I won my very first match and got 4 trophies while doing so which felt insane to me. It was cool but it felt so… wrong. I’m TERRIBLE at pvp and I never win anything, so the fact that I won my FIRST match… it felt like I just slipped into the twilight zone okay. I actually hate pvp and battle royale games, they’re not my thing for multiple reasons, the main reason being that I don’t like people and these games make me SUPER anxious.

I do dabble in these games sometimes, but only in moderation.

When I heard that this game was closing soon, I was like, “Okay, I’ll give this game another try and collect some more trophies before the game falls into the cracks of history.” It’s nice to be like, “yeah I was there, I played that, I got some trophies from that game that’s no longer available.” It’s a nice feeling.

However… I failed to get the 100%, missing just one. damn. trophy. I failed at my goal and there’s only one reason for this – I gave up before I started. The server closed on the 10th of January and I returned to the game on the 4th of January. I told myself multiple times that there was no way in hell I could get all classes to level 14 before the game closed. Because of this, I didn’t spend as much time as I could have grinding. But to be honest, I was trying to play the best I could rather than just getting the xp for reaching the end of the match so I wasted so much time joining matches and dying soon after.

As it turns out… it was very doable. The game went on for for about 13 or so hours after the timer hit zero and I was almost there. I was just about to hit 14 on one class and then I had one more to do at level 8. If I had put in the work properly, I could have gotten it and I think that’s what pisses me off the most. I’ve always been a self-sabotager and seeing it work in real time is super frustrating and annoying. Now, that game will sit at 71% forever because the game is no longer playable. Let’s just say, I won’t be forgiving myself for this anytime soon…

Matchmaking was pretty slow, taking a minimum of 6 minutes to find a match. This might have been because the server was closing so people figured there was no point in playing. I always chose squad because it’s less stressful to me when I’m on a team, but I usually ended up alone anyway, which was more stressful because I was alone against full teams. Activity picked up as the timer ticked down and it was taking 2-4 minutes for a match.

Once I started to play again, I realized that it was actually kinda fun, like Apex but with magic instead of guns. It still felt weird as hell that I was actually doing really well. At first, anyway. Once the big hitters got online, I was lucky to last 10 minutes which was frustrating when I was trying to grind xp. I regret not playing this game more, but like I said, PVP isn’t my thing and I had other games that I was more interested in. I’m not entirely sure why they decided to close down, I heard they were bought out by Blizzard or something? Maybe they’ll bring it back one day, who knows.

The game wasn’t fun for long, though…

It’s very repetitive which, I know I know, it’s a battle royale, of course it’s repetitive. But there’s only one map and it got boring doing the same map over and over again. Especially since I was grinding, I was super fucking anxious while playing. I have an anxiety disorder so I’m anxious on a good day, but my heart was racing and I jumped every time I was attacked. I ran for my life, my whole body tense because all I wanted was to survive to the end so I could get the xp to level up. But goddamn, those people don’t play. They LITERALLY chased me across the map and wouldn’t stop.

Like yeah, I get it, the whole point is to kill other players. But is it really fun to chase someone across the map who isn’t even attacking you or fighting back? You passed how many people and loot on the way, yet you’re still focused on killing me? I won’t lie, along with being anxious as hell I was getting pissed. I didn’t care about winning or fighting, I just wanted to survive, but it was getting harder and harder and I don’t know why.

On the last day, I stayed awake for over 24 hours grinding this game. It was a bad decision because my anxiety levels were topping the charts and I almost had a panic attack more than a couple times. I was exhausted and frustrated and I just wanted to get the xp and move on. It may be stupid, but I can’t STAND when people keep trying to kill you even though you’re not fighting back. It happens a lot in open world games and it pisses me off more than anything. Like, congrats, you managed to kill someone repeatedly who didn’t even ATTEMPT to fight you off. Feel like a big man, now? It’s kinda shitty and it gets under my skin like nothing else. So, running off anxiety and lack of sleep along with the pressure of not knowing when the server would finally shut down and then dealing with one of my biggest pet peeves… it was not a good time at all.

As of writing this, it’s the early morning of the 11th. I’ve gotten some sleep, but I still haven’t fully recovered from my high anxiety levels. The best way I can describe it is… you know how in some games, weapons have heat levels? Use it too much and it overheats and takes time to cool down before you can use it again. It’s like that for me. If my anxiety gets too high, my body kinda… not really shuts down but stops functioning properly until I’ve “cooled off” and my anxiety levels have lowered. Usually takes a couple days, so I’m still dealing with that. And I don’t even have a trophy to show for it…

I did most of my matches in a squad because I feel less pressure in a team. But somehow, at the same time, I also feel more pressure lmao Like, I don’t want to be a burden to my team but I usually am. I’m always the first to die despite trying my best but I always gave my team the first pick of good loot if they were nearby. I survived a lot more on solo simply because I hid and ran away when I saw others – I know I’m a coward, okay. In a squad, though, I can’t just abandon my team when they rush head first at the enemy. Well, I mean technically I CAN, but I feel bad doing that. At the very least, I was happy to act as a punching bag for the enemy, making them focus on me while my teammates fought… or ran away and left me to die.

I met sooo many people in squad matches that would attack their own team, killing us or getting rid of our armor as soon as we put some on, people that would just stand there as we fought, doing nothing to help us only to swoop in once we were dead, kill everyone, and then run away without even reviving us. Like, WHY? What’s the point of playing a SQUAD match if you care nothing about your team and refuse to help them? It annoyed me so feckin’ much. I know these people exist in all MMOs but it’s just frustrating.

I honestly think I would have liked this game a lot more if there was a story mode to it. I know most games like this don’t have one, but I think it would’ve made the game better. Like, what’s the story behind the breakers? Where did these powerful gauntlets come from? What about those annoying guardian NPCs that always kill me when I’ve just landed and have no gear? Why are we fighting other breakers? I need some lore here, okay, I have too many questions!

There are 6 classes (gauntlets) to choose from – Pyromancer, Stoneshaper, Conduit, Toxicologist, Frostborn, and Tempest. And there’s also an overall mage level that increases no matter which class you play. Pyromancer is the first class I reached 14 on because it’s my favorite :)

Here’s a breakdown of each class according to my own experience.

My absolute favorite class. The gauntlet shoots fireballs at the enemy and the special is a wall of flame that does a decent chunk of damage. It also sets stuff on fire. If I had played the game more, this would have been my highest class after getting them all to 14.

One of the OP 3 classes, in my opinion. The main attack is punching the ground which sends a crack through the ground in front of you and it does quite a bit of damage. Not good against people who refuse to stay on the ground for more than 2 seconds, but this is the reason for most of my kills lol The special hurls a boulder and if you take a direct hit, it does so much damage. I’m not sure how it happened, but my character ended up getting two boulders to throw before it went on cooldown.

This can be an annoying one if you’re on the receiving end because it shocks you (obviously) and stuns you for a few seconds. You hurl bolts of electricity with your main attack and summon a storm in a small area with your ultimate ability.

Another of the OP 3 classes. The main attack is… I think 3 or 4 strips of toxic liquid that creates a puddle of toxic liquid on the ground where it lands and yes, it hurts, even if you stand in your own puddle. The ability is pretty OP, creating a cloud of toxic gas that does sooo much damage.

The last of the OP 3 and my least favorite class. The main attack is the OP part, creating a bow and arrow out of ice. If you pull it all the way back and hit someone with it, it’s a one shot kill 90% of the time and it’s ridiculous. However, it’s offset by the fact that your opponent is rarely ever still and it takes time to aim, so getting this one shot kill is rare. It also creates a line of ice beneath the area that you can slide across. If you stand on this ice created by the enemy, it will slow and freeze you. The ultimate is an ice storm that freezes the enemy, but it goes down where you’re standing. No aiming and no moving with you so it’s only really useful if the enemy is right on you, but that doesn’t happen often unless you’re running at them.

This one is pretty cool. The main attack is shooting these little wind shurikens at the enemy that made me feel like a ninja. The ultimate is a giant tornado that sucks you into it and it’s hard to get away from. I don’t actually know if it does damage, I never paid enough attention, just tried to get away from it.

Most of these abilities have to be manually aimed, though, which I guess offsets the fact that they are powerful and do a lot of damage. Most of mine missed because of this and the fact that most people move too much or don’t stay on the ground at all. There’s also elemental reactions that can make them more powerful. For example, if you shoot fire at the toxic cloud, it explodes. If you shoot toxic gas at the tornado, it turns into a toxic tornado. It’s a really cool mechanic that I wish I could have experimented with more.

One thing I did not like was the ability to hurt yourself and your teammates with your own abilities. When you’re in the heat of battle, it can be difficult to keep track of the enemy and your teammate and I always felt so guilty when I was the reason my teammate lost health or, worse, died.

There’s also a lot of other things that could turn the tide of battle. Along with the gauntlets that start at white (common), you can find upgraded versions of them along with runes and armor. Like most games, they go white, blue, purple, and orange (being legendary.) I can’t remember what blue and purple are, honestly.

The runes are also a game changer if you get the right ones. When I was just doing solo xp runs, it meant A LOT of running from the enemy. These are the most useful or fun ones in my opinion:

Invisibility: You go invisible (covered in purple on your own screen) which helps you with running away or sneaky attacks. You can use potions without breaking it, but if the opponent hits you with a random attack, it breaks it. I don’t know if dashing is also supposed to break it, but it did for me sometimes.

Flight: This is EASILY the most fun rune and it’s also good for running away. You shoot up into the air before shooting forward like feckin’ superman. Not only can you get away easily, you can easily outrun the coming storm. It’s also just really fun, did I mention that?

Featherfall: It shoots you up into the air and gives you a slow landing. Surprisingly good for running away and it’s also pretty because you get a trail of feathers.

Wolf’s Blood: Using this lets you see the nearby enemies in red. I only used this when in squads because it made me feel useful to them for the first time lmao

The worst rune, in my honest opinion, is that chronomaster(?) one. I never figured it out and it’s just annoying. When you use it, it creates this time distortion that activates after a few seconds, pulling you back to the point you used it. It always messed me up rather than helping me.

I really wish I could have gotten a pic of my stats before the server went down, but it went down in the middle of a match so I couldn’t get it. I did get a screenshot of my BEST match, though, and I’m super proud of it! 6 exiles in one match, I never thought I could pull that off haha

I will admit that this game is really feckin’ beautiful. The scenery is so nice and I wish I could have gotten more screenshots of it. I did grab this one, though. It’s one of my favorite areas with these maple(?) trees that are gorgeous.

It’s also a really small detail that I doubt anyone noticed, but the grass actually moves with the wind! I noticed it when I was hiding at the edge of the map where it’s most windy. It was quite beautiful if you ignore the SCREAMING WIND in your ear. It’s a nice detail that I’m glad they added.

I also want to give a shoutout to GEOR22_GR and BartholomeusM who helped me get the Stalwart Savior trophy. I was really stressing this because I found a bunch of people who said they were willing to help me but they never got around to it except for these two. I was getting more anxious as the time ticked down so I’m thankful to them for helping.

Another thing I wish there was more of was customization. Like, I wish you could customize how your character looks in regards to their hair, eyes, etc. You can buy costumes and stuff from the shop, but they’re expensive and it takes time to build up the coins needed to buy them.

The final thing I want to talk about is the names. I refuse to believe that each match was filled with actual people. I think most of them were just advanced bots used to fill half empty lobbies, but I can’t prove this. It’s mostly just the names and the fact that most of them would immediately game end as soon as the match started and most of them were ALWAYS in my matches. Here’s some of my favorite names that I came across and got a nice laugh from.

NowYouSeeDeadPeople (which I made a joke about because the first time I saw this name, he had been killed and I was like, “yeah I see dead people, it’s you” which I thought was funny but probably isn’t.) And, of course, IllegalSandwhichCombination which leaves me wondering which sandwhich combinations are deemed illegal. Also, I’m a bush (I was a bush a lot when earning xp. It worked only half the time.)

If you can read it, ItalianDressing. (I originally captured this photo to show off the wind moving the grass but then I realized you can’t feckin’ see that in a photo lmao)

I laughed so hard when I read that EvilToaster- killed HoudinisLeftShoe. Talk about the top 10 anime betrayals!

Don’t forget about PomeranianWarDog, I hear they are vicious as hell on the battlefield! They’ve seen some shit, man.

I am so sorry to TheFloorIsPizza. I didn’t want to do it to ya man, but it was an honor to fight you.

With that, I think I’ve said everything I have to say about this game. It was a fun experience and it’s a shame it got shut down. I have lots of regrets here, but that’s nothing new. I did manage to capture ALOT of videos about my matches which I’m still working on uploading to my YouTube channel. No commentary, but if you’d like to see them, you can check out the playlist!

I started this game on October 3rd, 2020. This game ended on January 10th, 2023.

My rating: ★★★★☆

[hataalii]

here’s a little sad, bittersweet thing that happened today.

Last month my boyfriend of almost 6 years and I decided to separate. It was inevitable, we still love each other, we’re just needing to grow apart now. Literally a few days later my life got turned upside down with my job, a severe triggering of my ptsd that I’m still trying to get a handle on, and just general depression and anxiety about life.

Boyfriend has literally never been more loving, sweet, kind, caring, and supportive while I’ve been losing my fucking mind and dealing with work. I haven’t been able to work and he’s been financially supporting me as well. I feel so guilty for accepting his help at all, especially because of the fact that we’re wrapping up this chapter of our relationship. It just feels like salt in the wound. But he really loves me and he really cares about me.

And I’ve just been realizing more and more often lately that I’ve always been terrified of letting him love me and care for me. And the past month or so of me letting him do that and accepting love has made me love him more than I have…ever.

I wish I hadn’t wasted so much of our relationship spurning that. I wish that I had put in the effort to work on myself so I could have accepted his care for me sooner. I resented it. And I resented that he needed me to love and care for him in return. I haven’t felt that resentment for a minute to be honest, but I’m sad that I felt like that at all. I was definitely a really shitty partner and I really, really do want to be better. I don’t ever want to be a shitty partner ever again.

Now to the actual bittersweet part lol

Part of my meltdown tonight was about how I wish I could just go back in time and never actually start the conversation that started the end of our relationship. It truly feels like that conversation was the catalyst for probably the worst month of my life. I said, I wish I could just go back and stop myself from breaking up with you. I wish I could just have it all back to how it was. But I bet even if I said right now, “I take it back. I don’t want to break up,” you wouldn’t want to stay together now, would you?

And he looked at me so sheepishly, this man who has been so incredibly clingy at times, so insecure in our relationship, even in the times when I wasn’t being avoidant, and he said, No.

And I’m not going to lie, part of me was very much hoping he’d agree with me and we could stay together, make up, and just go back to normal. But the other part of me knew he would say no. And I’m glad he said no. I’m so proud of him for saying no. And I’m proud of me for knowing he’d say no and being okay with that. It’s fucking bittersweet and wonderful and heartbreaking and great.

I’m so fucking grateful for having my first relationship be with someone who I learned so much from. I’m grateful I have someone who loves me unconditionally, even after all the hurt and pain and drama I caused in our relationship. I’m grateful that I’ve known what real love feels like. And I’m the most grateful that it’s all ending with love. I was so fucking scared it wasn’t going to end great at all, but thank god it is.

At the very least, I now know what it’s like to be loved and that is literally one of the only things I’ve ever wanted in my whole entire life. I don’t want to be morose and negative and say I’ll never have this again, but…I just don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to open my heart like this again for a minute. If I did, it would only be for somebody really, really special to me. I’m not going to worry about that too much though, because I have to get myself in mental shape again. I TRULY need to focus on getting myself back to some semblance of normalcy and sanity. I’m looking forward to that.

[moonbeam-writing]

Hi 👋 me again! After reading your amazing response to my request I had to come ask again 😅 I love my marshmallow fluff romance 🥰 Take your time, if it takes months again that’s fine. Your life outside social media is far more important! And I hope you passed your semester with flying colors! 🌈 📚

May I get another Haikyuu: Kuroo, Iwaizumi and Suna… 🥰 asking the reader to move in with him. 🏡 You can add others but last time you made them so much longer than I thought they’d be (which I ADORE) but 6 I felt was a bit much with how busy are. Up to you. Please and thank you again! 🥰

— “Move in with Me”

๑ Request by @exaltedvalkyrie

๑ Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou, Iwaizumi Hajime, Suna Rintarou (Haikyuu)

๑ Contains: Fluff, ambiguous pronouns, kisses ♡, use of petnames/terms of endearment (i.e. lovely, babe)

๑ Quick Note: I'm going to be perfectly honest, I wrote most of this before/during work ever since I was able to start working on this one, haha. As always, thank you for requesting, and I hope you enjoy this!

(Sidenote — Iwa's is so short for some reason, haha. My bad. I feel like it's always him. Suna's also seems a lot longer and detailed. I think my subconscious was hinting at me, I don't know.)

—

– Kuroo Tetsurou –

Kuroo smiled to himself as he saw the door to his apartment. His apartment itself wasn’t much, it did it’s job keeping him clean and warm. The inside of Tetsurou’s apartment, however, was more important than anything to him. Inside of his apartment was (Y/N) (L/N); his darling partner, the only person he felt could truly keep him sane these days. 

“I’m home!” He announced, theatrics elsewhere, though he was sure (Y/N) would be able to hear the relief in his voice. One of Kuroo Tetsurou’s favorite things in the world was being able to come home at the end of the day, especially if (Y/N) was there waiting for him.

Right on cue, they turned a corner, greeting Kuroo with a bright smile. “Welcome back, lovely.” Gods, their smile made him melt. “How was your day?”

“Okay.” He mumbled as he wrapped his arms around them, pulling them into him. “Yours?” 

Tetsurou felt terrible about asking. Their muffled response reached his ears, but he didn't process a word of it. He was too caught up in the domesticity of coming home to them and holding them close. It was something Kuroo had been noticing more and more as your days together became even more frequent.

"Hey, (Y/N)?" He asked, pulling away from them slightly to get a better look.

"Yeah?"

"Move in with me." The request was gentle, bordering on dreamy. He almost laughed at the slightly stunned look on your face.

A small giggle breaks the warm silence. "You sure?"

"Of course."

– Iwaizumi Hajime –

"Were you planning on staying tonight?" Hajime asked, watching you take off your shoes after walking into his apartment.

The question had you straightening your posture, despite the fact that you'd heard it so many times before. Hajime couldn't help but smirk. "I'm not entirely sure, but I'll more than happily stay if you want me to." The smile on your lips was so sweet to him. He could still tell you hoped that he'd want you to stay the night, though. The answer to that should be obvious to you, though.

"You're always welcome to stay, (Y/N). You know that." By now, Iwaizumi had crossed over to you, one of your hands engulfed in his and a kiss pressed to the crown of your head.

"Do I?" You teased, smiling up at him.

"You should," he responded. "I mean, I'd prefer if you never left at all."

"Iwaizumi Hajime, are you asking me to move in with you?"

"I guess I am." He responded, pressing a warm, loving kiss to your lips.

– Suna Rintarou (Not gonna lie, I've been thinking about him a lot lately.) –

As soon as the option presented itself and his most recent game was finished, Suna Rintarou made the decision to never leave his bed, and in turn, not let his wonderful partner leave either. Suna was home, he had eaten and showered, and now all he wanted to do was cuddle up with (Y/N) and sleep like the dead. Because he played so well, (Y/N) granted that wish for him. That afternoon, (Y/N) had become his pillow, carding their fingers through his hair and giving him little kisses over his face and hands. The two of you had spent hours together, using up what was nearly all 24 hours in the day, and as much as you wanted to stay, you acknowledged that you had to go home at some point, and that you were sure Suna wanted space.

No sooner than he had begun to smother his face into your stomach, you had pressed a kiss to his hands before squeezing them. "Rin, babe, I gotta go home."

Rintarou groaned childishly, seemingly trying to bury himself further into the comfort you provided. "No." He mumbled, kissing your stomach. "You have to stay here. Forever."

You just laughed at the man, giving him a small squeeze. "Rin, are you trying to tell me you want me to move in with you?"

Even though it came off as a joke, Suna disregarded it. He wasn't quite sure what he meant by the comment when he made it, but as soon as he heard you mention moving in with him, something clicked. Rin wanted you to always be with him, every minute of every day. While he knew how unrealistic that request was, seeing you whenever he was home was good enough for him.

"Yeah, actually. Will you move in with me, (Y/N)?"

"Of course I will."

[twinkleimagines]

*Let me please you *

You’re a virgin and Rafe wants to show you what it feels to have an orgasm without taking your virginity.

Warning ⚠️ smut and language

Not proofread

Rafe had always admired you. You guys were the same age, same schools but completely different clicks. your parents were rich yes, but you didn’t act anything like a kook. You were quiet, shy. Never once put a single bit of make up on.

You had a natural beauty that radiated off of you for miles. which was what first caught his eye. Rafe being the kook king though , so popular in the crowds, he never really gave you the time of day. yanno, reputation and all- not that you were seeking it out anyways.

You were definitely one of the girls that were considered nerdy. you spent most your time with your nose in your book or at home. you didn’t go to parties, you didn’t wear make up, you didn’t have a boyfriend and you really didn’t have friends. 

Believe it or not though Rafe had definitely noticed you multiple times throughout the years. You were one of those girls that when he looked at you, you just looked so innocent and pure which if we’re being honest that’s exactly what you were and something about that just had him hooked to you. You were always so distracted that you never even realized the Kook king Admiring you from afar.

But now it’s the summer after your senior year and Rafe himself couldn’t stay away from you. It all started one morning when you both ran into each other at a coffee shop where you accidentally spilled your drink on him.

And honestly if it were anyone else he would’ve flipped his shit, probably cuss you out and make a big scene but when he looked down to see you, you’re innocent big (y/c/e) eyes and your loose curls tucked behind your ear as you frantically apologized for ruining his shirt, something in him switched and all He wanted to do was just hug you and protect you from the world.

Which He had done that ever since. He spent a little while talking to you at the coffee shop and managed to get you outside of your comfort zone, only a few months later becoming official in a relationship. 

So now we are here today. At this point you and Rafe have been together almost 6 months now. You knew what type of guy he was but the way he was with you was like a whole different side of him and you had honestly fell in love with him. nobody realize how infatuated he really was with artistic stuff like you and how intelligent he really was when it came to business. It was always hidden behind his partying Ways and fighting that nobody really paid attention to him like you did.

 you laid with your back propped up against Rafes headboard with a book in your lap as you silently read through the pages when Rafe walked in, his eyes landing on you.

“What are you reading ?” he asked. you sighed before lifting the book up slightly so he could read the back not breaking your trance from the page. 

“Oh” he responded quietly before placing himself next to you in the bed. He sighed heavily as you felt his fingertips trail up your thigh, gently running up and down as he watched you intensely as your eyes scanned the words across each page. 

“You’re so beautiful” he spoke out grabbing your attention. You glanced at him through the corner of your eye before going back to your book replying with a soft ‘thank you’. Hey grinned before placing his lips against your arm that he once had his head laying on. you furrowed your eyebrows together as you tried to continue focusing on the story in you book, only having to go back over the same paragraph because you didn't pay attention the first time.

  you sat for a second trying to continue reading your book but at this point it was no use because of his actions and how much they were distracting you. You finally caved in and put your book down on the nightstand before turning to the side facing him, giving him a sly smile. He smiled at the invitation before he sat up and placed his lips against yours. they were soft and plum, the taste of peanuts from his snack earlier still lingering on his tongue. Your moaned softly against his lips as he pulled you closer to him by your hips. you felt his hand rolling closer to an area thats never been touched by him (or anyone) so you jumped slightly before pulling your lips away from his.

“im sorry” he quickly spoke out, pulling his hand away. “you okay?”

 Rafe knew that you were a virgin.  it was one of the things that he loved about you. It wasn’t a goal of his to take your virginity or anything but he did love the idea that he was going to get to be the one to show you all the pleasures and be your first with everything. He loved knowing how innocent and pure you were and it gave him all the more reason to be protective over you. 

“Yeah I’m okay” you responded pushing some of your hair behind your ear. 

He sat for a second looking at you. Even though his eyes were staring into yours, you could tell he was deep in thought.

“ I have an idea, if you’re up for it” he finally spoke out breaking the silence. you felt your heart flutter as you heard the words fall from his lips. your mind quickly began racing, thinking of all the possible things he would want to try at this moment, 

  you knew at one point in time Rafe would want to take things further. He defiantly had his fair share in women, and you were surprised he had lasted this long without trying to go further than just make out sessions with you. but by now you had fantasized on what it would be like to go further  with him as well. 

“ I know you want to save and wait on your virginity” he responded breaking your train of thought. “ but what if there’s other ways I can make you still feel good without going to that level?” he offered, his voice soft and gentle.

You bit your bottom lip with nervousness as his large but soft hand caressed your thigh, rubbing back and forth with comfort. The only thing you guys have ever done this whole time was kiss and grope each other. You’ve never even experience and orgasm. Not even by yourself. You sat and hesitated for a second, questioning yourself if you were ready to take things further.  you were almost 20 at this point and you were very happy with the Rafe, so much that you didn’t even see the possibility of you guys not being together. 

you finally nodded giving him approval. he smiled widely at you, satisfaction radiating through him knowing that he was finally going to be able to please you in some way . 

“What are you going to do?” you asked, your palms getting sweaty from nerves.  He shook his head before placing his hand on the side of your face, rubbing gently circles with his thumb.

“ I just want you to relax princess.”

Rafe placed his lips back against yours before hovering over you, causing you to lean back, your head landing on his pillow. .

he placed one of his legs in-between yours, Your eyes widening as you felt his knee press against you applying pressure. you moved your hips slightly, feeling your body crave for that feeling again.  You gasped slightly as you realized he had done it on purpose when his knee continued moving back-and-forth against you. Your mouth stood wide open as your eyes close feeling the movement from Rafe.

“does that feel good baby?” he questioned staring down at you as if if he was a painter and  you were his own painting.

You bit your lip before nodding slightly opening your eyes to make contact with his.

‘Here come here’ he said before removing himself from above you, propping himself up against the headboard. “Sit on my lap” he instructed. you hesitated for a second before obliging. He tugged on your pajama shorts pulling them against your heated core before pulling you up against his crotch by your hips. 

‘Just do like this princess” he insisted as he applied pressure against your bottom with his hand pulling you forward towards him. You grinded youirself against him until your hips were touching his before he pushed back against on you, making you slide back down. he watched your face for any type of expression before repeating the movements once again pulling you forward towards him. 

You felt uncomfortable at first, not so much that you weren’t enjoying it but just because you had never done anything like this before and you weren’t sure if you were making a fool of yourself or not. But the feeling you were getting felt so good that you didn’t want to stop regardless of how you looked so you continue moving your hips against him. At first your movements were slow- your hips grinding against his very prominent Boner in between your legs as you slid up and down it. 

 you mumbled a few ‘fuck’s and ‘God!’ out , as well as Rafe’s name as your thighs slightly trembling around him.. Rafe  Pulled your hair away from your face so he could watch you. your eyes squinted shut as your mouth gaped open, moans slipping out. It felt good to him as well even though he wasn't inside you, but just watching you unfold on top of him beat any orgasm he’s ever had. 

“feels good doesn’t it princess?” he groaned out as your movements against him began to speed up. 

“ yes Rafe” you moan out loudly. even though you took Rafe by surprise at your outburst, he almost came undone right then and there. He had never seen this side of you and it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. 

“ it feels so good”  you breathed out, your arms placed over his shoulders as your hands tugged on his hair.  your hips were moving faster faster before soon started to feel this tingly feeling and the bottom of your stomach. it was definitely an unfamiliar feeling but it felt so amazing and it gave you a feeling of you needed to keep going as your climax was building up.

Rafe could tell you were getting close as your moans became uncontrollably consistent, and your body rocking against his became fast and rough, which Rafe was to just as close just by the feeling of you dry humping him and the sight of you. 

“Oh my God I think I’m cumming!” you cried out as you felt your clit throbbing. this unexplainable feeling rushed through your lower abdomen causing your hips to jolt forward a few times as you rode out your high. your hips finally came to a halt as you tried to catch your breath.  you laid your forehead against rafes before chuckling slightly, almost lost for words as to what you had just done.

“ Wow” was all you could say causing Rafe to laugh loudly while nodding.

“ I know princess, you're amazing” he praised. you shifted slightly against him before looking up in confusion as you still felt a hard Boner pressed against you. 

“wait, did you finish?” you asked.

Rafe shook his head no and you sat for a second with confusion. After the way he had just made you feel, you wanted to repay him by getting him off as well, but with you being so unexperienced you honestly had no clue what to do for him. 

“well what can I do?” you finally asked, pushing your curls behind your ear once again, another little thing you did that turned him on.

“You don’t have to do anything princess I was doing this for you” he said shaking his head. “ I wanted you to feel good.” you grinned shyly lowering your hand as you thought back to a few moments ago when you practically dry humped your boyfriend to an orgasm.

“Well I did feel good and I want to repay you, if you’ll let me” you offered with pleading eyes.

He sat for a second, this time him being the one to think it through. of course he wanted you to do stuff to him, but he didn't want to make you feel pressured. the thought of you wanting to please him willingly made his dick jump in his jeans. he finally looked you in the eyes, a nod following shortly after. 

“only if you want to princess” he responded. he waited patiently for you to assure him that you really wanted to do this before he pulled his long hard member out of his pants.

Throughout the 6 months that you have been together, this was the first time you had actually seen it. Not that Rafe was hiding himself, but he just felt it was best for when you were actually ready. you have felt it of course but seeing that now, you were flabbergasted.

“You’re huge rafe” you blurted out with your eyes wide. He laughed at your cuteness from the outburst that had caused your cheeks to turn cherry red. “Come here” he spoke softly, his hand grabbing ahold of yours.

“ I’ll show you what you can do” he said before placing your hand around his member,  his hand helping guide yours along his cock

“. Does it feel good?” you asked, your eyes focused very intensely on his expressions, needing clarification since you hadn't a clue what to do.  Rafe nodded while leaning his head back some, his eyes lowering.

“ yes princess” he said, his voice soft and comforting. He’s had plenty of hand jobs before, but it was different when it was yours. He  just had so much love for you at this point. You were the first girl he had ever spent time with and was in a relationship with that didn't include sex, which made you bond even more. The love he had for you was like no other, and so was the feeling of your hand around him right now. 

You bit your lip as you continued to pump your hand around him, squeezing slightly and twisting your hands in circles. Even though you had never watched porn or you had never personally done any of this yourself, you had read a lot of books that would sometimes go in detail into their sex scenes. You tried basing it off of what you had read, and by reading Rafe’s face, it was clear he was enjoying it.

You ran your thumb over his tip causing him to twitching your hands leaving a smirk on your face as you watched his breath hitch in the back of his throat>

“You’re doing so good princess” he praised. you sat for a second as you hesitated your next move before finally just lowering your head, wrapping your lips around him.  at this point Rafe was in complete shock seeing you build the confidence to please him the way you were. You were doing so good even though you had no prior experience.

“ princess your mouth feels so good” he groaned out, his voice deep and low. Your moaned slightly as you felt his fingers run through your hair pushing down slightly.

You weren’t sure why you were so nervous before but now that you were actually doing it and watching how much you were pleasing Rafe turned you on more than you have ever been in your entire life and you didn’t want to stop.  you continue bobbing your head up and down, your hand following in the same motion as Rafe continued to moan and praise you for your actions.

"baby I’m gonna to cum”  he breathe out his hips slightly bucking up into your mouth hitting the back of your throat. you gagged slightly, your throat clenching aorund him.

“Fuck baby girl” he groaned out as his member started to twitch. you could feel him tugging on your hair trying to pull your head up but with all the confidence you had and the adrenaline, you kept your head lowered down on him. your lips were almost touching his pelvic bone, his tip deep in the back of your throat. you held your breath as you tried not to gag but the clenching from your throat immediately set Rafe’s orgasm off, his warm load shooting down the back of your throat. your eyes widened for a second as you tasted a thick warm salty substance fill in your mouth. Rafe bucked his hips in your mouth a few more times before his hips came to a complete stop. You lifted your head up slowly ,  your mind racing about what you had just done as Rafe watched you, making sure you were okay with what had just happened.

 his member immediately got hard again when you looked up at him through your eyelashes, slowly wiping the side of your mouth off from the saliva that was placed on the side of your lips.

“ God princess you’re just so perfect.” Rafe said. He stared at you and thought about all the other things he wanted to do to you. he wanted to taste you and feel himself inside you but it was much more satisfying to him knowing that you willingly wanted to do these things with him and he that didn’t force you to do anything. Knowing that you waited all these years and he got to be the one to finally let you experience it was the biggest flex he had on himself. It brought a warm feeling in his heart. 

“Did you like it?” he asked after he cleaned himself off placing his member back in his pants. You nodded before looking down with a shy smile as your cheeks turning cherry red.

“ I did I really did” you responded before laying yourself down next to him, placing your head on his chest.

“ maybe we can even do some more later tonight”  you offered causing a big grin to form across his face.

****

Maybe part 2???

✨feedback , like and reblog is greatly appreciated 💗✨



[diaphragmjellyfish]

Research

Finally wrote something again! Sorry it took so long. 

How exactly do you get a dog to lose your scent? Because avoiding your werewolf boyfriend Embry was proving a lot harder than you had anticipated. Last weekend was… eventful. You guys had finally done it. Gone all the way. After 6 months of dating and an imprint bond, you both finally decided you were ready to take that next step. And you’ve only had one thought since that night. 

That shit hurted. 

It was borderline unbearable. The pain was searing. You lied there until Embry was done, faking moans and even faking the Big O, and you were less than eager to do it again. Were you broken? He seemed to enjoy it, so obviously you were to blame. He’d been super clingy and lovey since that night, even more so than usual, and you didn’t have the heart to be around him knowing you had faked it like that. What if he found out? He’d be crushed. What if he wanted to do it again? You couldn’t take that pain another night. What if he faked it too and was going to break up with you the next time he saw you? Yeah, no. Avoidance was the way to go. 

He wanted to take you out to see a movie. You mysteriously came down with a case of allergies in the middle of winter. 

He wanted to pick you up after school and give you a ride home. You had the sudden urge to join a club that was meeting after school that day. 

He called, your phone was on silent. 

He texted, you suddenly became illiterate. 

But he kept trying. God, why was he making this so difficult?! Thoughts like this swirled through your head as you walked the long way home from school. He knew your usual route, so obviously that was out of the question. You took a path through the woods that would eventually spit you out right by the beach where you could sit and think. The forest had always felt like a second home to you. Peaceful, comfortable, private. You walked for some time before hearing twigs snapping in the distance. Probably a rabbit or something. Louder snapping. Bigger sticks. Definitely not a rabbit. You halted, waiting for the creature to pass, when a large gray wolf stalked out of the trees. 

Damn. 

He was wearing the softest, cutest, most “kicked puppy” look on his face that you had ever seen. Head bowed, he walked up to you slowly, whining. So he had noticed your avoidance. You held your hand out to him, petting the thick fur between his ears. He sniffed your hand, giving it a soft lick. 

“Hi,” you whispered. He whined louder at this. “Embry…” you started, before he crouched down, a silent cue for you to get on his back. He waited. 

Guess this was inevitable. And at least him showing up in wolf form gave you some time to think about how exactly you would explain what had happened. With another soft sigh, you climbed up on his back, holding the fur tightly as he trotted off into the trees. After about 5 minutes, you realized that he was taking you to Sam and Emily’s house. You weren’t in the mood to be around the rest of the pack right now. 

“Embry, I’m kind of busy today. I don’t really have time to hang out with the pack.” 

He ignored you, trotting along as if your statement was the buzz of a mosquito in his ear. When you reached the house, however, you quickly realized that no one else was there. They must all be out. It was a Friday afternoon, after all. 

When you reached the lawn, Embry stopped and crouched once more so you could dismount. When you did, he ran off behind the house, walking back out several minutes later as the inky-haired boy you had grown to love. His face was full of sadness, yours full of anxiety. 

“Let’s go for a walk,” he said. 

You silently followed him down the path that led to the cliffs, waiting for him to say something else. He never did, only kept walking. You struggled to keep up, but were too stubborn in your silence to ask him to slow down. You both finally reached the rocky cliffs jutting out over the frigid ocean. He stopped, staring out at the horizon. You paused next to him, waiting. After another several minutes of silence, you grew impatient. 

“It’s supposed to snow Monday,” you said. 

You waited. Silence. 

“The news said they might even cancel school.” 

A pause. Nothing. 

“I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use a three day weeken-”

“Is there something you want to tell me?” he cut you off, seeming agitated. For as long as you’d known Embry, he was never in a bad mood. Never anything but happy. Maybe sad on a few occasions, but never angry. Never frustrated. And it was making you nervous. 

And now it was your turn to be silent. Yes! You wanted to say. You hurt me! But you couldn’t. Wouldn’t. He didn’t do it on purpose, so why would you make him feel guilty about something that was your problem and your problem alone? 

“Because, if I’m counting correctly, it’s been 5 days since I’ve so much as heard from you. Barely a text back. Not a call, not a ‘hey! I’m super busy this week.’ Why are you avoiding me? I thought… after last weekend, we should be more in love than ever right?! Did it not mean anything to you?” 

You remained quiet, tears pooling in your eyes. You gave no sign that you were going to respond, so he kept going. 

“Just tell me where your fucking head is at, Y/N. You can’t keep brushing me off like this. Did I do something wrong? Do you regret what we did? Am I, like… not ripped enough for you or something?” 

“Embry, no,” you pleaded. You could see the insecurity behind his eyes. You had to tell him what was going on, but you knew it would crush him. “It’s not that at all.” 

He waited. “Then what?” 

You closed your eyes, a tear slipping down your face. You wiped it away quickly before taking a deep breath. “I have been avoiding you.” You looked up at his face at this, finding tears building up in his own eyes. “I love you, Embry. But last weekend, just… I can’t do that again.” 

He clenched his jaw, looking anywhere but your face and nodded. He was hurt. You definitely could have worded that better. 

“Let me explain,” you pleaded. He wouldn’t look at you still, but didn’t walk away, so you kept going. “I think I might be broken or something, because that… It didn’t feel right.” 

At this, he looked back at your face, switching from hurt to concerned almost immediately. 

“Why would you think you’re broken?” 

Another pause. “I know you would never hurt me on purpose…”

“You were in pain?” he panicked, fresh tears pricking in his eyes. 

“It’s not your fault,” you hurried. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that? Why would you let me keep going?!” 

“I’m sorry!” you cried, causing him to walk up and embrace you. You sobbed into his chest as he pet your hair, all signs of anger gone. “You were having a good time, and I didn’t wanna ruin it, but it hurt so bad…” 

“Shhhhh,” he cooed as he rocked you from side to side, letting you calm down. “It’s okay.” 

After several minutes, you finally stopped crying. He didn’t falter in his embrace, only left light kisses on your forehead and cheek. 

“Y/N, I am so sorry,” he whispered into your hair. 

“It’s not your fault,” you replied. 

“Yes, it is. I’m supposed to take care of you. It was my job to make you feel good, and you were hurting that bad and I didn’t even notice.” You sniffled, just enjoying being in his arms. A few more minutes passed as you both calmed down. 

“To be fair, I did take a drama class last semester. I’d say I put on a pretty convincing performance,” you added weakly, an attempt to lighten the mood. 

He huffed a laugh, if for no other reason than to make you feel better. “Had me fooled,” he added. 

You smiled, looking up at him. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.” 

“It’s okay. I just wish you would have told me as soon as it started to hurt that you wanted to stop.” 

“I know. I should have, I just got all in my head about it.” 

“And I’m sorry for hurting you. I’ll never forgive myself, and I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore,” he answered, nervously awaiting your response. 

“I forgive you. And of course I still want to be with you, Embry. I love you. We just need to work on our communication skills a little bit,” you laughed. 

“We do. And I’ll start. I would really love another chance to make you feel good. If you promise to be honest about how you’re feeling, I know I can do a way better job. But I understand completely if you wanna wait a while… or if you never wanna do it again. You’re in charge here.” 

His words had your heart melting. He really did care about you, and you knew that if you had told him in the moment that you were in pain, he would have done anything to get you feeling good. You were always his first priority. 

“I’d be willing to try again, but what we did last time didn’t work. I think we need to think of some new techniques or something,” you mumbled shyly. 

“Tell you what. I’ll do some research, get some stuff, and you can come over tonight… if you want to. And we can maybe try again? And if you get there and aren’t feeling up to it, we can just watch a movie and cuddle. No pressure… I just miss you.” 

You thought for a second. Worst case scenario, you’d cuddle on the couch and eat junk food. You trusted Embry completely, and if you said stop, you knew he would. 

“Okay,” you replied. 

__________________________________

After a long shower, some fresh makeup, and a cute-yet-comfortable outfit, you were ready to go over to Embry’s. Sure, the nerves were kicking in, but you trusted him when he said he would do some research. When you pulled up, he was already standing in the doorway smiling. You ran out and gave him a giant bear hug (or wolf hug), and he picked you up and carried you into his room, kicking the door closed with his foot. 

“I missed you,” he said, face buried in your hair. 

“You saw me like 3 hours ago,” you giggled in response. 

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you all week! Gotta get my Y/N fill or I might die!” 

You laughed loudly, hands threading up into his hair as he sat down on the bed with you seated in his lap. 

“Yeah, yeah, just try not to crowd me,” you cheekily replied. 

He raised an eyebrow before tackling you back onto the bed, tickling you like a maniac and placing playful kisses all over your face and neck. 

“Like this?! Don’t crowd you like this?” 

“Embry stop!” you laughed, trying to suck in a breath between his manic tickles. When he finally stopped, he was lying between your legs, one hand grasping both your wrists above your head, the other propped beside you so as to not crush you. He stared lovingly at your face before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on your lips. His grip on your arms loosened, as if to say You can stop me anytime, but you didn’t. You kissed him back, arms staying in place to tell him that you were okay. 

The kisses grew slightly more heated, but Embry kept them gentle. And every time you thought he was about to take things to the next step, he’d just kiss you some more. You were growing slightly impatient, breath labored and blood pumping fast. Your stomach became slightly warm, and every time you leaned up, he’d pull away. 

“You’re being mean,” you whimpered. 

He just looked at you and smirked before leaning down and capturing your lips once more. You could feel your blood heat in every part of your body. From your head to your toes, you felt warm and fuzzy, yet desperate for more,,, more touch, more pressure, more Embry. Growing frustrated, you hooked your legs around his waist and tried your best to pull him closer, unintentionally grinding your hips into his. When he brushed up against your core, you let out an involuntary sigh. It actually felt nice. He smiled into the kiss, pulling his lips away from yours and dragging them down to your jaw, and then your neck, suckling and sucking and leaving light red marks that made your head spin. The hand that was holding your wrists came down behind your back and up into your hair, firmly pulling your head back to give him better access to your neck. 

This movement made your entire back arch up into his body. His grip in your hair tightened slightly, lips sucking your skin up into his mouth as he nibbled, before soothing with his tongue. Your toes curled, legs pulling him impossibly closer. When he felt this, he ground his hips down into yours. The combination of his hands, lips, and weight on top of you made you let out a gasp. Your hands held onto his shoulders for dear life, pulling his shirt up in an attempt to take it off. He got the hint and sat up to remove it, being away from your body for far too long for your taste. He didn’t lower fully back down, however, instead sliding his warm hands under your shirt and onto your stomach. You sat up, taking your sweatshirt off and throwing it violently across the room. His eyes widened as they looked down at your bare chest in an almost feral fashion. He gripped your thighs, tugging you down the bed with ease, and resuming his position on top of you, hands roaming all over your torso. He cupped your breasts gently, rolling your nipples softly between his fingers. You shut your eyes and threw your head back, enjoying the sensations. His kisses trailed from your neck and down to your chest, softly. Lovingly. When he reached your nipples, his tongue poked out and licked around each of them, before taking them into his mouth and sucking. His hands continued to caress your back, and he took his sweet time switching from one breast to the other, and back again, until he felt your skin grow almost as hot as his. You were writhing underneath him, panting as your mind tried to comprehend the sensations. And his mouth, God it was so warm. You felt him kiss the undersides of your breasts, and then your stomach, and then lower… 

When he reached the waistband of your leggings, he brought his hands up as if to pull them off of you. He stopped, looking up at you for permission. You gave a lazy nod Yes, and lifted your hips to help him. He pulled your underwear off as well, spreading your legs and almost salivating at the sight of your soaking pussy. Not wanting to waste another second, he once again began placing kisses on your lower stomach, and then down to your hip bones, scraping his teeth lightly against the skin, which had you shuddering. He trailed lower, to where your thighs met your core, and began to suck lightly and the soft skin there. Your clit was throbbing by now, desperate for any sort of attention. You thrust your hips up, desperate for his mouth on the place you needed him, but he only pulled your legs over his shoulders and brought his arms across your stomach to hold you in place. Your hands went to his hair in an effort to control any aspect of this situation, but the boy was strong. He teased and teased and teased, until you thought you might very well crawl out of your own skin if he didn’t properly touch you soon. Embry brought his face right up to your center and licked into your entrance, making your toes curl once more. His hands gripped your hips as he brought you as far onto his tongue as he could, nose not quite brushing where you still needed him. 

“Embry…” you whimpered, about to tell him what you needed. 

“I know, baby. I got you,” he spoke, as he finally brought his warm tongue to lick a firm stripe up to your clit, swirling it around and sucking the swollen nub into his mouth. 

You let out a moan. A real one. Your first real one. And it only encouraged Embry, as he began to suck and lick with a steady rhythm that caused your legs to shake. You felt your stomach start to coil after several minutes of this, hands fisting Embry’s hair even tighter. It felt amazing, but that coil wouldn’t snap. He started to notice you coming down slightly, orgasm fading away, when he brought his index finger into your mouth. You sucked on instinct, before he pulled it out and brought it down to your entrance. He swirled the digit around a few times and began to push in slowly. One knuckle. Then two. And then he was fully in you. Sucking your clit into his mouth yet again, he rubbed his finger up into your front wall, massaging the ridges there. 

“Oh… Embry, oh my God,” you moaned. He used more pressure, and then brought his finger out and added another, slowly pushing them in together and resuming the ‘come-hither’ motion. You felt your muscles shake, losing all control, and the coil in your stomach tightened rapidly once again, only this time, it broke. Your back arched, eyes shut tight, mouth open in a silent scream as you came hard. Waves of pleasure drove through you, hands holding his head firmly onto your center. When you came down and opened your eyes, you looked down at his face to see an excited grin. 

“If you tell me that was fake, I think I’ll cry,” he chirped. 

You calmed your hard breathing enough to mutter a “That was real.” 

“Do you wanna keep going?” he asked. 

You nodded, taking note of the obvious tent in his shorts. You reached a hand down to grasp him, when he grabbed your wrist and said “Nuh-uh, I’m still making it up to you.” 

He stood up off the bed and went over to a plastic shopping bag on his desk. He opened it and pulled out a condom, some lube, and a small pink toy. Your eyes widened, and he cockily stated, “told you I’d do some research. Come here Sweetheart.” He held a hand out to help you up, and moved you so that you were on your hands and knees, bum facing him as he stood at the edge of the bed. He tore the condom packet open with his teeth and rolled it on, and then opened the bottle of lube and slathered it all over himself. He then brought what was left on his hand up to your sensitive core, distributing the substance gently. Throwing the bottle onto the floor, he lined himself up with your entrance. 

“You sure you wanna keep going?” he asked. You nodded in response. “I need you to say it, babe.” 

“Yes, I want to keep going, Em,” you almost cried. 

“Okay, but I need you to tell me if it hurts even a little. Promise?” 

“Promise.” 

He grasped your hip with one hand, guiding himself in with the other. Slowly, carefully, he became fully seated inside you, giving you a moment to adjust. You felt no pain, just a delicious stretch inside your walls. When Embry saw that you were relaxed, he pulled himself out a couple of inches and softly thrusted back in, looking for any signs of discomfort. He found none, and continued. He dragged himself in and out of you at a torturous pace that made your breathing pick up yet again. You needed more. You began rocking yourself back onto him, begging for a faster pace, and he complied. He pulled out several inches more this time, shoving back in at a quicker pace that had your toes curling and your moans going up in pitch. At this, he stopped holding back. Embry began pounding into you, hands gripping your hips tight enough to leave the good kind of bruise. You were moaning loudly, brain turning to mush. This is what sex was supposed to be like. What you’d always imagined it would be like. Passionate, loving, amazing. 

Embry found himself reaching the edge, but would not allow himself to finish before you. He reached down onto the bed for the small pink toy that you had forgotten about. He flicked it on, brought his other hand down and around your throat to pull you up against him, and held the small vibrator right onto your clit. The pounding pressure of his dick paired with the fervent vibrations had you seeing stars. You came. Hard. You didn’t know how long the orgasm had lasted. When you came to, you were lying on your back on the bed, breathing still labored, as Embry cleaned your thighs off with a damp towel. He noticed you looking up at him. 

“Hey, Sweetheart,” he cooed.

“Hey,” you responded weakly. 

“How ya doing?” 

“Really good,” you laughed. 

“Yeah?” he beamed at you as you nodded in response. “Good. I’m gonna get you some water and then we can cuddle, okay?” You only smiled in contentment as he walked off into the hallway, returning shortly with a cup of cold water. “Sit up for me?” 

“Can’t,” you answered, eliciting a laugh from him. 

“C’mon, I’ll help you,” he spoke as he gently held the back of your head, supporting you as you leaned up to drink from the cup he was holding up to your mouth. After you took a few sips, he seemed satisfied and placed the cup on the floor, lying down next to you and pulling you close. “If you start ignoring me after that, I might have to kill you,” he teased. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t ever ignore you again.” You sighed in contentment, listening to Embry’s soothing heartbeat, before you began to wonder. “By the way, what the heck kind of research did you do?” 

He huffed a laugh before responding, “Some guy on the internet called Owen Grey.” 

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii !!! if you are accepting requests at the moment, can i ask something about reader and tom expecting a baby, one day while he’s drunk she sees him flirting with another women and when she confronts him he snaps at her and tells her he’s not ready for this “shit”. So they broke up and broke contact for months, until he shows in her apartment regretting his words and they talk but she suddenly at that moment gets into labor?!? I remember seeing a concept similar in a movie but I would love if you couldn’t bring it to life! Thank you so much in advance, appreciate your work a lot 🧸🤎

right so I loved this so much it has become a multiple parter and im not even going to apologise. so thanku so so much anon for getting me out a little rut!!!

summary: when toms caught out all hope looks lost - probs part 1 of 3 but it could get a bit longer too lol

warnings: serious angst, reference to abortion, cheating, a whole lot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi babe, just to let you know Yamna’s invited me out for dinner this evening so don’t worry if you get home early and im not back! I love you x”

It was a spur of the moment plan, which was a rarity recently. The past 5 months since you’d found out, you could name barely 5 occasions you’d been out past 8 oclock- trading your heels for fuzzy slippers and dresses for massively oversized tops and joggers. It wasn’t how you had expected to be spending the summer before your 25th birthday but it was now your life. The rooftop bars, the wild nights, the get aways had all sort of been cancelled for… for the rest of your life.

Because an 8 month pregnant belly isn’t something you can ignore.

Sure…. it wasn’t the plan. Not the plan to be pregnant with your boyfriend of only 6 months, who at the time you didn’t even live with. But you were making it work. And now, you were just excited. It was the start of a new story with Tom, and you’d got past the phase of being sad and mourning your youth. Because the little bubba inside of you, she was pretty awesome and you really couldn’t wait to meet her.

So yes, you had been home alone eating ice cream from a tub when Yamna knocked on the door. She’d been one of your best mates for as long as you could remember so when she’d turned up unannounced with mascara smeared under her eyes you’d cancelled your plans of a pathetic alone evening. Her boss had just given her the sack - which was no surprise. He was a backwards tory old git who couldn’t handle the fact Yamna was a woman doing the job better than he could ever dream of.

So yes, you’d suggested going out to the fancy new bar down the road - to celebrate the fact she no longer had to put up with the arsehole. Obviously you couldn’t drink and neither did Yamna, but you go to a bar for the atmosphere - and the selection of mocktails they had was insane.

Your boyfriend Tom was already out, he said he had a meeting and then dinner with some execs he needed to shmoosh. Of course you didn’t mind, but he had been working a lot recently, in order to be able to have the time off when your baby girl arrives.

So after sending a little text and giving Yamna another hug to try and turn the evening from disappointment to celebration you walked out the door with a smile on your face. Maybe you could pretend, just for an evening to not be pregnant and whale-like?

///////////////////////////

The bar was just a 10 minute walk so it wasn’t long before the two of you were soaking up the atmosphere. It was all decorated in a rustic fashion, with old exposed wood and dangling lightbulbs from the ceiling and the drinks were incredible. The type that have dry ice or flames or some other sort of fantastical display of edible decorations. Even Yamna had perked up, especially when a guy from the table across had bought you both a round of drinks.

“I’m just gonna pop to the loo.”

“Do you really need the toilet or do you just want to parade infornt of the fit rich man who keeps looking at you?”

“ Is both an option?” You laughed as Yamna slipped off her stool, winking rather dramatically as she did so. She was unbelievable - but at least this way she wasn’t thinking about her work, or lack thereof, anymore.

Happily you sat scrolling though your phone, seeing that tom had messaged you with an okay, before flicking through instagram.

And that was where the happiness ended.

For in a hurried manner, with a face looking a lot more ghosted than when she left, Yamna took her seat again.

“Are you okay?” Immediately your worry took over, the way she was biting her lip and not meeting your eyes not helping.

“I um yeh-yeh. Just I think I saw Tom.”

“Tom as in my Tom?” Her almost guilty looking nod had your scrunching your eyebrows, why was it such a big deal Tom was inside?

“He didn’t see me I don’t think but er… he just looked pretty close to a girl and I-“

To be honest you stopped listening at that point, heart dropping out the bottom of your chest. Because it made sense, he had been so distant recently and even if you’d been lying to yourself that it were work - this seemed much more likely. Whilst nodding along, pretending to listen to Yamna, instead your attention was solely focused on fiddling with the promise ring he’d got you after the two of you decided to keep the baby. He’d been so committed, so ready for this unexpected news. He’d said he was in for the long haul.

“Y/n?”

“sorry I um… it’s probably just a work colleague he needs to sweet talk. I’ll um-I’ll just go say hello.”

“I’m coming with you.” She spoke astutely, very much forcing herself into the situation.

“No no I’ll… I’ll come back if I need you, just wait here.”

Her face was so grim and destitute, as much as you were pretending it was okay - you knew it wasn’t. Before Yamna could protest further, you slipped off your seat ( clumsily thanks to the elephant belly) and walked with fake confidence back inside.

It took you barely 3 seconds to hone in on Tom, call it mothers intuition. He was on a booth in the corner with 5 others on his table but none of whom you recognised. It was 2 other guys and 3 girls - the six all paired off in mathcingly initimate conversations. Apart from that you payed almost zero attention to the others, attention solely focused on your boyfriend and the girl he had his arm round.

She was everything you weren’t. She was skinny - you, as previously mentioned, looked like you had a beachball stuffed under your top. She was blonde with sleek and perfectly styled waves at the tips of her long her - yours was thrown into a messy bun due to the last minute plans.

Most importantly - right now she was wrapped in Toms arms, whilst you stood alone watching.

God knows what came over you, but with confidence you never normally had you marched up to the table, just waiting at the end. One of the men you didn’t recognised, arrogantly asked you ‘can I help you’ - but you completely disregarded it, eyes solely fixed on Tom. He took a moment more to look away from the leggy girl, but as soon as he did his eyes grew massively wide.

“Y/n I-I-“

“Fancy bumping into you, I thought you were out with work executives?” Frantically casting his gaze across the table, you could see the cogs whirring to try and come up with an explanation.

“No I-I was but then Charlie here came over, we used to be mates at school and-“

“Oh fuck off Tom., I cant deal with this right now.”

You didn’t even have the energy to listen to his clearly fake excuses as to why he’d landed himself in that situation. You also certainly did not have it in you to maintain the strong face, you could feel everything shattering inside of you.

Because it was so blindingly obvious by how he had acted. You’d caught him out and you both knew it.

And it fucking hurt like hell.

So you exited the bar as fast as physically possible, hearing the shouts of both Yamna and Tom behind you. You didn’t know what you needed in that moment - except that neither of them were the answer. Tom though, presumably the faster of the two, managed to catch up - grabbing your arm to make you halt in the road.

There was this moment between the two of you that time almost seemed to freeze. The two of you, in an otherwise pretty empty residential street, at 9:30 at night, in a moment that you would never have again. From your point of view, you saw the slightly bloodshot and bleary eyes, widened with panic and fear. For Tom he saw the floods of tears down your cheeks, which you hadn’t even noticed were freely streaming.

But in that moment there was, at least, the slightest bit of peace. The slightest bit of hope - that he could explain, that he had some ludicrous but valid reason for the situation you had walked in on. Just a smidgen of hope that this were recoverable.

But then he had to open his bloody mouth.

“Y/n I swear nothing-“

“That didn’t look like fucking nothing!”

“It was I swear! We just-“

“Tom this is your one and only chance. I don’t care if your off your face, if you don’t give my a miracle of a reason as to what the fuck THAT was - then I’m gone.”

“Don’t say that Y/n, you don’t mean th-“ He tried to grab your hand which you snatched away, like you had just scalded it on a hot plate. Like he had hurt you.

“I swear to god I’ve never meant anything more. So cut the shit.”

“FIne-fine! Um so we were at the meeting and then on the way out I bumped into George and hes been a good mate of mine for years.” All you did was hum, arms crossed and making sure you had a metre of distance between the two of you.

“So he said god you look like you need a drink and I agreed because its been stressful as hell recently.”

“Oh its been stressful; for YOU has it? I’m so sorry Thomas, has it been hard for you while i’ve been throwing my lungs up with morning sickness? Has it been stressful that I’ve been running on zero hours sleep because she kicks me all bloody night? ” Your words were laced in a posioned sarcasm, to which Tom just stammered to.

“Please just let me.” Given he was supposed to be fighting for you, he sounded pretty darn defeated already.

“I said yes to the drink.” He skipped out the bit that had angered you, to which you rolled your eyes at. “And one turned into two and more and then I don’t know-“

“Your going to have to try a lot harder than that.” You deadpanned, taking a small step further back still.

“I mean it! The girls were all his friends and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? All pressed up and arms round her?”

“Yes!” As indignant as he retorted, it didn’t not make up for what you had seen with your own eyes.

“Your such a bullshitter Tom!”

“God why wont you just listen to me?” He cried, wobbly doing a little 360 on the spot, in what appeared to be exasperation.

“Because your just spouting fucking lies! And you try and blame it all on poor little tommo being stressed which is-“

“I HAVE BEEN! Running round after you! I’m just tired of this shit!!! So kill me, for having one night of freedom!”

Tom was too deep in his angry lecture to take any notice of you. Which is why, once finished, he waitied, breath heavy and nose flaring. He was waiting for you to scream back at him. To give it back. He was too drunk to notice the change in your demeanor.

“I’m tired of this shit.”

It was just reverberating round your head. Again and again and again. He was tired of your relationship and you hadn’t even become parents yet. He was at his wits-end and the baby was still unborn. What the fuck was going to happen when baby arrived? Clearly there was no hope. It was dead. Your relationship was dead with no chance of revival.

Because he’d said it. Your relationship was shit, and nobody can put up with something they hate for that long. Not 18 years. Not while bringing up a child.

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

?to be continued?

~~~~~~~~~~gahhhh I hope u enjoyed! I also REALLY CANNOT THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS MINISERIES --> if anyone can think of something pls inbox me!!! ~~~~~~~~

tom taglist: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @Elishi03 @arctic-monkcys @Ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol